Goodbye to you...

Even though it means leaving my beautiful template, I must say goodbye to Blogger. The idea of switching to Blogger Beta made me want to vomit a bit, so I'm gone, like Traci before me. I'm here. Update your links: http://inexorablyloved.wordpress.com Thanks to all who have made this here blogspot run a jolly good time. Visit me at wordpress. Goodbye Blogger. -Sarah

Oozing grace...

I want all of my life to ooze grace. Not just to have a little sprinkling of grace, but every fiber of my being to just...ooze. A life that is totally sold out for Christ will exude God's grace. I want others to envy me, not because of my personality and talents but because Christ is so strong in my life. I don't need anything else. But right now I hold so dearly to things that I will never need. I am refusing to surrender all. If my desire is to ooze grace, I can no longer hold with such a tight grasp those things that are not of Christ! For all that Christ is--his grace, mercy, love, righteousness, holiness, perfection--demand more than a piece of my heart. They demand my life, my all. If I assume I have them in full yet am grasping so firmly to my own will, I do not have the full grace of Christ, but instead have something else. That grace will only ooze when I feel like it. That love will only be ministered to otehers when I am in the mood. But true grace is never dependent on my feelings. So to surrender completely I have to open my hand and let my will go. My life should be a fragrant offering, but I try so hard to hold my desires close that I squeeze out a stench of selfishness, not a perfume of unselfishness. It is only when I stand before God with my arms wide open and my heart transfixed upon the grace of Jesus Christ that my life will reflect his love. I would give anything to, at the end of my life (whenever that may be), have people say about me "I saw grace in her"...to hear Christ say "Well done, good and faithful servant". But I am so far from that place--so far from faithfulness, so far from that overflowing grace. So far from surrender. My spirit is willing but my flesh is so...strong. My flesh loves that grasping hand. My new spirit hates it. One of my favorite songs, "Surrender", has been on my heart recently. "I'm giving You my heart and all that is within, I lay it all down for the sake of You my King..." My heart truly wants to give everything to you. But I cannot do it on my own. My prayer has to be "Lord, scoop out my insides, scoop out this selfishness that blocks grace. Strengthen my spirit. Make me Yours." I want to be His...to ooze grace. Pileuleuyan, Sarah

And I'm gone...

So since November has started and NaNoWriMo has begun, you'll be seeing a lot less of me around here (I know, is that even possible??). I just actually might become all written out. But anyway, I'll try to peek in, maybe post some pictures every once in awhile. But other than that...just look for me once November is over. Until then I'll be with Traci and Mark, hiding away and writing.

I do what I want

Remember my life-list? Well you might not but I do. Right now I'm at college, trying to move towards accomplishing a few of them. Actually hopefully by the time I'm done, I'll have a lot more accomplished. I need to be working on #45 (Read through a letter of the dictionary), and right now I'm working on #26 (I'm making shirts for my hall), and potentially during Christmas break there is an opportunity to do #6 & 7 (Come on Mom and Dad, I want to!!). But what is this post about?? #25. Life list item number twenty-five. Write a full-length novel. But why am I bringing it up now? Why am I talking about the very far-out #25? Well, because November is National Novel Writing Month. And NaNoWriMo.org is the hub for that. I first read about it last year, but on November 3rd so it was a bit too late. Yesterday, I read about it in a magazine at work (I work at the library here at school). But today, when Mark blogged about it, I realized that if I say I want to do it, and if I think I want to do it (Last year I was very sad I was so late), I need to go ahead and do it! So I signed myself up. You can see over there on the right side there's a little banner I added to give you an easy link to sign yourself up. Do I know what I'm going to write about? No. Do I realize that 50,000 words is not necessarily a full-length novel. It's probably more correctly a novella. But I might not be done at 50,000 days. It's just supposed to be done 50,000 words in November. And then we'll go from there. Do I realize there's a good chance I will fail? Yes. But being a perfectionist and having a fear of failing, I have no other option if I ever want to do it. I need this deadline. We have a saying that my friends and I say around here "I do what I want". So what's keeping you from trying if you really want to? Who says you can't write a novel if you want to? Do it. Nakhvamdis, Sarah

Paint...

A picture from my great painting escapades the other day...can't you just feel how beautiful it was??

Every burden...

At the foot of the cross Where grace and suffering meet You have shown me Your love Through the judgment You received And You’ve won my heart Yes You’ve won my heart Now I can Trade these ashes in for beauty And wear forgiveness like a crown Coming to kiss the feet of mercy I lay every burden down At the foot of the cross At the foot of the cross Where I am made complete You have given me life Through the death You bore for me I’m laying every burden down I’m laying every burden down words and music by Kathryn Scott © 2003 Vertical Worship Songs/ASCAP I love that song so much. It's most definitely one of my life songs. Besides Kathryn Scott being a hero of mine, it just...encapsulates restoration for me. Completely. I'm not sure what my mood is right now in my life. But my emotional state is irrelevant when discussing what God is teaching me. And right now He's showing me a lot about how every burden means everything. I had a pity-party this weekend. It was definitely not the healthiest thing, but a girl on my hall told me to stop before I took it too far, which was what I needed. However, this week God sort of brought me out of that and told me a few things. But back to every burden: God doesn't just want the big decisions like where I'm going to go to school, or what I am going to do with my life--He wants everything. He wants me to lay next semester's classes at His feet. He wants my relationships with my friends. He wants my grades. He wants my self-examination. He wants my worries about time. He wants my self-consciousness about my body. He wants my heart. There is no burden I have that is too small for God to take hold of. He wants me to run to the cross with everything and simply stand there with my arms open and like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, let it roll off of my back. He longs to take my burdens so my rest is no longer restless, but full of complete and total peace. He wants to relieve me of everything so that my ashes can be transformed into beauty. My roommate said something in our prayer time the other day, thanking God for the grace that she sees in my life. Besides being very touching to me, I completely did a big amen for that. Specifically she was talking about me getting over issues that might offend me really easily, just learning from them and moving on. And if you've known me for more than a few years you know that it hasn't always been that way. But lately God has been asking me every day for all of my burdens--all my hurts and problems and concerns. Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. That's the deepest whisper of His heart to me. And as He shows me that He alone is enough to say those words, and that I can trust them, I find that my burdens are rolling off my back. I'm laying every burden down... Harsad, Sarah

Classes...

So I figured, now that I'm in college I should start blogging more about college and how faith relates to life in college. I know that I am not in a traditional college setting--heck I'm not even in a traditional Christian college setting, in that my school is so God-focused and biblically based. However, we still have classes and homework and papers and due dates, just like everyone else. I skipped class today. You can't blame me--it was a perfect warm 80 degrees outside with a breeze blowing the whole day, a clear blue South Carolina sky with a few puffy clouds floating by. After having rainy, cold days, it was a wonderful relief of weather. It was one of those days where you can't help but proclaim the goodness of the mercies of God. His compassion is new every morning! But I skipped class. It's not that I don't like the class--it's Research and Literature and besides Old Testament, it is my favorite. We get into such good discussions. It's a wonderful class, sure. However, today was glorious. And not only was today such a deliciously lovely day, I had some paints. Watercolors that I brought back from home. I was dying to just use them, and if any day is a perfect paint day, it is a day like today. I don't like skipping classes. But there are some days when studying about poetry and how beautiful the earth is just doesn't compare to actually experiencing it, you know? It's the same way in my Bible classes. I can go on and on and talk about the goodness of God, but unless I am spending time with Him and allowing Him to let me experience His goodness for myself, that study is nothing. So whatever it is in your life that's like my English class, don't just talk about it--"skip class" and experience it. Amoxtla, Sarah (Picture from stock.xchange)

How to win friends and influence people...

So I was at the library today, just working doing some stuff, and I ran into that book. I saw it on the shelves and thought "I have never read that book. I should read that book!". After all, it is a best seller. And who doesn't want to win friends and influence people? Lord knows I do!! I mean being at school, your first weeks all you're doing is winning friends, and now you're trying to influence people! It's like first semester of college all wrapped up in a handy little package. But I stopped myself and thought 'Sarah, you have some friends already. You've made friends since you've been here. And you seem to have some sort of influence as well. So why do you need to read that book?' I then applauded myself for such wisdom in seeing so clearly that I don't need to get that book right away, though it would be profitable to do so and I believe at some point I will read it. That got me to thinking, naturally, about why in the world I have friends and influence people. I have no idea what Mr. Carnegie says in his book because, as is obvious, I have never read it. And so perhaps I am doing what the book says, but did it entirely without the book. That is likely. But even more likely is another component to my winning friends and influencing people. And it will sound lame, but I do mean that it works. Prayer. That's how I'm winning friends and influencing people. You see, when I came to school, I prayed for friends. Well before I came to school, but especially as I was here at school. And then when I met people that could be friends, and yet I felt like they didn't like me as much as I liked them, I prayed for God to deepen those friendships (or the alternative, to have me not like them as much or something). And you know what? He has. There have been a couple of girls that I really prayed that I could become friends with, and I can gladly say that since I've been praying for that, our relationships have grown. It's pretty cool, actually. And then the influencing people part--I've found one of the biggest ways to influence someone is to pray for them. Not only praying for them, but praying with them. Finding out their needs and then praying right then and there with them. Not only telling them you're praying for them, but showing them, and then keep following up with that. It is highly significant in someone's life to know that another person cares enough to pray for them, and to keep praying for them. Also, praying specifically that the words I speak throughout the day are words from God and not from me, that I would build life in those I meet and not bring death, that my words would be a blessing and not a curse. It has helped me so much. I've never been a real intercessor. Sure praying is good, but I often need to do it outloud or my mind wanders. If I'm praying outloud I can pray for hours, but silently it is about a 2 minute threshold. So it's been neat for me to get here and pray about everything. God has definitely awakened my heart to the importance of prayer, and how as I pray and share my heart with Him, He will share His heart with me. It's such a lovely thing. If you are finding you don't have many friends or much influence, start talking to God. Now it doesn't mean you'll rule the world or be voted most popular, but you'll find He will create opportunities, and even more, He'll help you to find peace right where you're at. And even more important than both those, it'll draw you in deeper relationship with Him. So what are you doing? Go out there and pray! Mamak, Sarah

Reminders...

I'm at home right now, on fall break. It hasn't been the best time--I wanted to go back to school yesterday. I've been frustrated doing pretty much nothing the past few days...and I reached my breaking point yesterday. My older sister had to be taken back to school last night (She goes to school an hour away), so I volunteered to drive her, since I needed to get away. She drove on the way down there, and so I took a little nap and just had time to think. A friend of mine had mentioned calling me last night, but I knew I couldn't talk to her while my sister was in the car. I really needed to talk to someone, but I just wanted a private conversation. I prayed that she wouldn't call until my sister was dropped off. Well, I ran up to my sister's room to grab a laundry basket, used the restroom, and ran back down. I got in the car, turned on the radio, started down the street, and right as I turned onto the highway, my friend called me. I ranted and raved about being stuck at home, rambled about everything possible, then let her go. I am so grateful for her for listening when honestly she was stuck listening to me (She was also driving, so one of those "I have something to do" excuses wasn't valid). But what I needed was God to teach me a lesson. I was incredibly selfish. I wanted to go back to school, and even though my desire was valid, it was unfair of me to ask everyone else to put their plans on hold for me. Yeah, it'll be harder to finish all the work I need to do since I have to go back late tomorrow night instead of today, but at the same time, God will help me to get it done. It's amazing how faithful God is. He knew I needed a safe friend to rant to, to get all my inner ugliness out. He had her call me right at the perfect time. And then afterward, His grace was there to change my heart and remind me that the world does not revolve around me. I am not the center of the universe, and there's no reason my plans should take priority over my family and friends' plans. He has called me to humility and servanthood. And even more than calling me, He provides me with the strength to live in those qualities. Mbarawa, Sarah

Grace...to others?

I have been given grace abundantly. God, in His extraordinary mercy, saved me and adopted me into His family. I am no longer considered a sinful, dying creature, but a new person, who is continually reflecting God's glory. Christ took my place, and exchanged my fallen nature for his holy one. This gift is one I could never repay, never earn (despite my best efforts!) and never fully comprehend. But I am so grateful. Well yesterday we had a big school event where we did a lot of decorating on our brother hall. I got into an argument with one of the guys on our brother hall--it wasn't a big spat, but he wanted to do something which I completely did not agree with. It was an area that I am particularly sensitive about because I used to think just like him in that way. But my thinking was changed because of my best friend (and God's grace), so I'm very touchy in that area. You don't mess with my friends, let's just put it that way. And the other day, I had a conversation with a friend who is having some issues with another friend. It isn't an easy situation--everyone is being selfish and wanting their way. No one is in the complete right--all are in the wrong in some way. Believe me when I tell you that this is not an easy issue to handle. And I was struggling with--and am still struggling with--how to handle it. It's definitely tricky. But what I've been realizing through these situations is that I have been given abundant grace, and in my life, grace absolutely has to be given to others. 1 John talks all about how if I love Christ, I'll love others. The gratefulness towards Christ should be extended to others as well. It is not about whether or not they deserve to be forgiven or loved. I never deserved this grace that I received. Do they breathe? Grace should be offered to them. Are you witholding grace from someone? If not, then good for you. But if you are, examine your reasons for why not and ask yourself what you'd have to do if Christ had the same reasons for now offering grace to you. Qil xin, Sarah

Do something!

I'm currently in our exercise room here at school. While they're building a new sports and fitness center (yay for that!), we've got this old outdated basement room with one working bike, a fancy treadmill that won't plug in to any of our plugs, a weight machine and a punching bag. And a non-working air conditioning. Needless to say, it isn't exactly fancy. However, it is better than nothing, I'll tell you that. Hopefully the funding will come through for the new building...every day we can hear the construction behind our dorms. Anyway, that really isn't the point of this post. The point is this: Here at my school exercise used to be mandatory every week, 6 times a week. They did away with that a long time ago, but we are still encouraged to exercise frequently. The purpose of the exercise, whether mandatory or voluntary, is because this school is primarily a missions school. The largest major, by far, is Intercultural Studies (ICS), with many others minoring in ICS. A lot of students, whether their major is Elementary Education or Youth Ministry, want to go overseas. And on the missions field, especially if you are in a remote area, you must be fit. There are many diseases that your body will have to face. Right now for our "Introduction to the World Christian Movement" class, we're reading Shadow of the Almighty, Jim Eliot's biography written by his wife, Elisabeth. In the part I've read thus far, about his early life, it talks about him joining the wrestling team, that his physical body will be well prepared for ministry. It's an important concept I think has been lost. Another thing that we talk a lot about is gluttony. Well not a lot, but certainly more than the never it is mentioned in the real world. When was the last time you heard a sermon on gluttony? The American church is increasingly become obese--where is the response to that? Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (see Corinthians, first letter to the)! Is it honoring God to stuff our faces and sit on the couch (or if I dare say it, on the computer)? I'm also taking a class called "Issues in Contemporary Youth Culture", and among the many lectures on self-mutilation and depression and suicide, we've talked a lot about how there is a lack of endorphins when someone is depressed, and how somehow, self-mutilation like cutting releases endorphins to the brain which is why it feels good at the moment. In response to those problems, some of the solutions are to eat right, and exercise, which also releases endorphins, which make you happy! Now of course exercising isn't the answer to everything. But if you're angry or frustrated, do what I did 2 nights ago--bike it out. Or run it out. Or punch it out (on a punching bag, of course!). Or go for a walk and try to clear your head. Don't let yourself become a lethargic Christian--use the body God gave you! We won't all be completely buff. But we do need to honor Christ with our bodies. You are not your own, you were bought with a price!! So what are you waiting for? Do something! Adishatz, Sarah

By faith...

Faith is a big issue. In case you don’t think about it a lot, let me assure you that it is. Whether or not we have faith, and how much, affects every area of our lives. When I go through a green light at an intersection (ah! I miss driving) I have to have faith that the other drivers will realize that it is a red light. If I am sitting on a bench (as I am now), I have to have faith that the bench can hold my weight up. I have to have faith that the air won’t become toxic right now and that the laws of the universe won’t get flipped upside down and suddenly gravity doesn’t exist. You see, faith does matter. It is not just a little issue. You would think that I’d get that. But no, I’m a freaking determined individual. My mom says “don’t touch that” and I have to touch it anyway—not out of obedience, but I want to know why. I have to try it myself. Some kids are like that, ok? And yes, I realize that if I ever have kids chances are that they’ll be the exact same way. But that’s a long way off if it does happen so we’re not thinking about it. But anyway, I have to know exactly why stuff is the way it is. Faith does not become me. So this morning I was reading in Hebrews, in chapter 11. Now if you aren’t up on your Bible, that’s what people refer to as the “Hall of Faith”. Now besides the fact that it’s a stupid nickname (I mean really? Hall of Faith? Why are Bible jokes always corny??), it’s a fairly accurate descriptor of the chapter. It talks all about various characters that are talked about earlier in the Bible and talks about the things they did “by faith”. There’s a lot in there about Abraham, you know because of the whole childless/getting the child/almost sacrificing the child thing. Well anyway, this morning I was reading the chapter outloud. If you’ve never done that, I’d encourage you to. It’s pretty powerful. So as I was reading it, I got to that famous verse, number 6. Without faith it is impossible to please God, and I thought to myself “Ok, that’s a good verse, heard it before, etc”. I didn’t really think etc, but you get it. Anywho, I kept reading outloud and realized that there was not a period there, that it was a comma. So I stopped and read back over the whole verse. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. If I come to God, I must believe that first of all, He does exist. And not only do I have to assume that He does exst, but I have to believe that He is who He says He is. That He is a faithful God and that He is a good God. If I seek Him, I’ll find Him. Now I know that isn’t a very revolutionary thought, but for me it really hit home. I’ve been thinking about God and his character recently and so when I got to verse 6, I realized I can’t “logic” my way into faith. I can’t figure out God. I have no “proof” that God is who He says He is. But I can look at who He has proven Himself to be in the past, and then trust that he will continue to be that in the future. And that’s honestly freeing. After all, the bench is still here. The air isn’t toxic. Gravity still is in play. And God is good. Khuda hafiz, Sarah

I AM

Oh gently lay your head Upon my chest And I will comfort you Like a mother while you rest The tide can change so fast, But I will stay The same through the past, The same in future, same today I am constant; I am near I am peace that shatters all your secret fears I am holy; I am wise I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires Your heart's desires Oh weary, tired and worn, Let out your sighs And drop that heavy load you hold Cause Mine is light I know you through and through; There's no need to hide I want to show you love That is deep and high and wide I am constant; I am near I am peace that shatters all your secret fears I am holy; I am wise I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires Your heart's desires Oh gently lay your head Upon my chest And I will comfort you Like a mother while you rest I Am by Jill Phillips There are times in our lives where all we want or need is to know that someone is there. Our struggles are often so much on the inside, and we tend to hide them, but knowing that someone is there to help us through those struggles is a powerful thing. I've got a lot of issues in my life that keep popping up again, despite my best efforts to keep them at bay. I'm not quite sure why or how they are there, but they are. And it's tough, you know? It's not an easy thing. But I'm reading in Hebrews now, and it's so cool that as these struggles are resurfacing, Jesus is reminding me that He is my great High Priest. He knows my weakness, and best of all, He makes atonement for them. Not just temporary atonement, but permanant atonement. It's such an amazing thing. He is constant. And He does know my heart's desire. It's Him. He is my soul's sufficency... Fenynmæ, Sarah

Rest...

If God is satisfied with the work, the work must be satisfied with itself. -CS Lewis God's been teaching me to rest recently. I never realized how un-restful I was until I got here to school. And boy oh boy am I realizing it. I am such a worry-wart, such a perfectionist, such an over-achiever. And in the midst of all this I am not resting. I may be physically resting, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I'm not. I constantly feel like I have to strive--in my relationships, in my schoolwork, and in my mental life. And in all of that business I just...don't rest. Somewhere along the line I'm scared I've forgotten how to rest. Friday a friend prayed for me and my roommate, that she would be productive and I would be able to rest. And yesterday I did rest. And my roommate was productive. Well at my school, we aren't allowed to do school work on Sundays, as a Sabbath rest. The professors aren't allowed to work, and we are supposed to honor God and rest. Well I had been going through Hebrews this week, and I happened to get with chapter 4 today, which talks about the Sabbath rest for God's people. As I was reading it, I was going through and it hit me... God rested on the 7th day because the work was finished. And so when it talks about me being able to enter His rest, it's because Christ finished the work. There's nothing left for me to do...He has done it all. Jesus' "cross-work" finished everything. It's done. And so I can rest in the knowledge and peace that comes with the completed work of Christ. It's a glorious thing. Yawa, Sarah P.S. Someone asked what my camera is--well I haven't taken all these pictures, but the ones I have taken are with my Canon Powershot S2 IS

Single-minded...

Single minded, whole hearted One thing I ask Single minded, whole hearted One thing I ask That I may gaze upon Your beauty O Lord That I may seek Your holy face That I may know You in an intimate way And follow after You all of my days And follow after You all of my days All of life comes down to just one thing And that's to know You O Jesus And to make You known One Thing by Charlie Hall Charlie Hall is getting a lot of my love recently. Now "One Thing" is the song that's running through my mind. If you haven't heard this song, I encourage you to buy it off of iTunes or the Wal-Mart Music Store or any other music purchasing store of your choice. But it's a hard thing, is it not? To be single-minded. To be whole hearted. There are so many dang distractions in my life. Ones from my friends, ones from my family, and biggest of all, distractions that I put on myself. They all just take away my focus from God and put it on me. No longer is it about Him--it's about me and how my needs can be met. This song has been challenging me to think about where my heart is. Am I focused on, as my school's motto says, to "Know Him and Make Him Known"?? Is my heart's desire truly for Him and to know Him more and more and to become more like Him? To know Him in every area of my life, to focus on Him only? Am I thinking about God when I go down to the exercise room and work out? Am I thinking about God while I am in line for lunch? Am I thinking about God as I complain about my "Personal Skills for College Sucess" class and how useless it is? Am I thinking about God as I clean my room? Now of course we have to think about doing things--otherwise if we only thought about Jesus we'd never move because we couldn't think to move. But at the same time I think that God wants to be there, all the time. Whether I'm actively thinking of Him or not, He wants my heart. He wants it to be His. We're reading through the Old Testament for OT Survey, and we recently finished reading Exodus. There was a verse that I read that really stuck with me, and I'll close with it. Exodus 34:14 "Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." God wants my whole heart. And He wants yours too. Alavidha, Sarah