lyrics

When I was like 10, I had an interesting favorite song. It was a David Ruis song (Ironic because he's one of my favorite worship leaders), called "Let Your Glory Fall". Father of creation, unfold your sovereign plan Raise up a chosen generation That will march through the land All of creation is longing For your unveiling of power Would you release your anointing Oh God let this be the hour Let your glory fall in this room Let it go forth from here to the nations Let your fragrance rest in this place As we gather to seek your face Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see The full release of your promise The church in victory Turn to us Lord and touch us Make us strong in your might Overcome our weakness That we could stand up and fight Let your kingdom come Let your will be done Let us see on earth The glory of your Son Copyright © 1997 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing. All rights reserved ------ Everytime I hear that song, it reminds me of a time when all I wanted was to see God. All I wanted was to be with Him. There was this quote that I heard the other day at one of the times I was at church, but I don't remember what it was. What the event was, I mean, or where someone said it. I do remember the quote though. I'm going to leave it with you to think about. I Am your Father and always will be your Father. The question is, will you be my child? Jakuru, Sarah

Summer and becoming nothing..

I heard someone say once that Summer doesn't start until your first trip to a pool. Well, tomorrow I start work (nannying all day at a pool), so Summer will officially start. I guess it's time to tell you guys about a big event that'll happen soon. On Saturday, I've got my SAT test. Then it's off to Lake Lure, and to Camp Lurecrest, where I will be volunteering as a Cross Trainer (CT for short, basically a counselor-in-training). I LOVE Camp. This will be my first year on staff and my 8th year of going. The problem is that when camp comes around, I disappear. The 4th-12th is when I'll be gone, and there are no computers. I guess I should also tell you that this is just orientation. I'll be gone July 16th-August 4th for real, with no updates then either. I might try to mail someone a letter and have them type it up, but it won't be the daily updates I normally have. Let's just say it's a good time to go through the archives! Have you ever thought that you can get so wrapped up in different things that you fail to see what's really important? We had a guest speaker at church on Sunday who talked about grace, and how we need to be full of grace towards each other. It was a really good sermon. And then I just kind of blew it by completely having this thing that went down with someone on Sunday night. But the truth is, I get so caught up in what I have to get done this week, and how much weight I need to lose, and all that stuff, that I forget that it is all about Jesus. He's the reason I live, and I move. I get so worked up about ME, that I become this selfish being with the wrong attitude about life. The Bible says that Jesus "Made himself nothing". What am I doing each day to make myself "nothing" so that God can shine through? Sarah must decrease, and Jesus must increase. Stuff to ponder I guess. Abe d'Ehre, Sarah

Interesting

Want to see something interesting? Go visit PostSecret. Warning, some of the postcards are graphic, but mostly like cartoon-y graphic. If you don't think our world needs Jesus, just visit that site. Ánágodziih doleel, Sarah (P.S. The reason this one is short is because I've had a rough, rough day, and I need prayers, and plenty of them.)

Coming apart in layers...

I know that my lies my alibis would catch up to me the ghosts hidden in the chest deep down are no longer inside my alibi these cobwebs of rust are around me surround me inside me transparently I can be seen through talked to exposed for the pack rat I am I fall through my lies like a rotting net like a bucket with a hole hollow my alibi. I am so gross and sweaty and bruised and completely tired. I've been working all day at my job, taking apart the old gym. In taking apart the old spring floor, it's been really interesting. We found one dead mouse, one really old mouse skeleton(it was REALLY cool) a few "Easter eggs" from the egg hunts(I was going to be like "Yeah, THOSE eggs", but then I realized that there was no one that would know what I was taking about) and a ton of other stuff. It got me to thinking. There were so many layers on that floor. It seemed like it would take forever to get the carpet up, and then the foam layer up, and then the plain plywood layer up(so many screws!), and then the foam blocked plywood layer(if you know nothing about gymnastics you will have no idea). But in the end, we got it all done, and everything was vacuumed up. What I was thinking about was the fact that in the end, nothing could hide. You could hide a special toy, like the many toy rings we found, but still it would be found. In our lives, we try to cover up our sin. Sometimes we try to use time, like the foam blocked plywood layer, to cover it up. Sometimes we try to lie, like that layer of plain plywood, to hide our sin. We also try making our sin not seem as bad, like the foam layer that made the floor softer. Finally we put on a nice face, like the bright blue carpet, to make it look more appealing. But still, underneath, is all that sin. God takes all of our sin and obliterates it. There's no need for covering it up with layers of lies. It's gone. You don't have to worry about it anymore. Now that is freedom. I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you. -Isaiah 44:22- Nägemiseni, Sarah

I know not what the future hath...

I know not what the future hath Of marvel or surprise, Assured alone that life and death God’s mercy underlies. And if my heart and flesh are weak To bear an untried pain, The bruised reed He will not break, But strengthen and sustain. No offering of my own I have, Nor works my faith to prove; I can but give the gifts He gave, And plead His love for love. And so beside the silent sea I wait the muffled oar; No harm from Him can come to me On ocean or on shore. I know not where His islands lift Their fronded palms in air; I only know I cannot drift Beyond His love and care. Lyrics to I Know Not What The Future Hath, by John G. Whittier. Rãmas bun, Sarah

I am at a loss..

I feel like I have nothing to say that's beneficial, and in the words of Third Day (and the Bible), "If you can't say nothing good, don't say nothing at all". But I like to post at least something each day! The problem is that all I want to write about is my guy problem. Not that I'm way too obsessed with it, but because it seems like the thing to write in a blog, except that I try at all costs to avoid that in this blog. I wasn't going to church tonight, but I decided I would go., and I'm glad I did. Dr. Moses Choudary, one of our church's great friends, came and spoke--he's a riot! He says the greatest things. The point of his speech was that God has a great vision for each of our lives, and that even if we have a dream, unless it is supported by God, it won't happen. We must make sure our dreams are supported by God's vision for our life. How did he put it...if your dreams aren't supported by God's vision for your life, they will always stay just that--dreams. It was really a good sermon, and something I needed to hear. God has great plans for my life, all I need to do is seek them out. I'll try to post tomorrow, but I don't know how well it'll go, because I've got to decorate 3 cakes for a graduation...EEK! Alavidha, Sarah

To love is to be...

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -CS Lewis Ah, you've got to love good old CS Lewis. He puts so wonderfully the things that we cannot often easily express. I thought of this quote on Sunday in service when God was telling me about Himself. I don't want to be vulnerable. At least, part of me doesn't. You know those dreams where you go to a party and you realize you are naked, and you try everything you can to cover up, but with no avail? I've only had one or two of those, but I hate them. I hate being "naked in front of the crowd". I hate that vulnerability. Jesus wants me to be vulnerable. To be at a complete state of openness with Him. He is continually calling me to that state, to that place. I'm not there yet, but I want to be. So for me, at least at this point, to love is to be vulnerable. I want to you to tell me, to love is to... Comments are welcome. Sampai jumpa, Sarah

Come

Before I was born Before I took one breathe in this sinful world You called me You gave me a name a purpose a destiny. You carved my name into Your hand and knew me intimately You knew what I would do; whether I would follow you or not. You knew every sin I would choose to commit every lie that would cross my lips You saw that I would spit in Your face. You, my Creator. Yet you still love me, even enough to die for me. You said "My chosen one, My beloved, My darling, My lover" You still sing for me, whispering my name, trying to penetrate the noise I put as a wall between us. Still you long for me, though I ignore you. Still you call. Whispering my name, saying to me "Come."

Grief

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace. Coming soon...a full-length play about grief, church, Christianity, and life. I want everyone to contemplate those lyrics...just think about them. -Sarah

Everything...

I've been thinking a lot recently about how God wants everything. I mean, I normally think of it, but I read the story of Saul in 1 Samuel 15 and I can't stop thinking about it. God doesn't just want me to give him the weak things, He wants me to give Him the "strong" things. The things that I think I can handle. Everything. So often I think that I have everything under control. I don't. I never have, and I never will. But yet I still act like I do. I wonder sometimes if I'm the only person who struggles with trying to control everything. I put God in a nice little box and shove Him inside me. Oh yeah, sometimes I take Him out of the box...and then I put him inside a bigger box. But it's still a box. God doesn't want to be in the box anymore, He wants to be free in my life. Free to do everything He wants to do. If I only let Him, who knows what miracle my life would hold? He wakes up in the morning Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling Never changes a thing The week ends the week begins She thinks, we look at each other Wondering what the other is thinking But we never say a thing These crimes between us grow deeper Goes to visit his mommy She feeds him well his concerns He forgets them And remembers being small Playing under the table and dreaming Take these chances Place them in a box until a quieter time Lights down, you up and die Driving in on this highway All these cars and upon the sidewalk People in every direction No words exchanged No time to exchange And all the little ants are marching Red and black antennas waving They all do it the same They all do it the same way Candyman teasing the thoughts of a Sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss Programs cutting the corners Loose end, loose end, cut, cut On the fence, could not to offend Cut, cut, cut, cut Take these chances Place them in a box until a quieter time Lights down, you up and die Ants Marching lyrics by Dave Matthews Band Sveiki, Sarah

Happy Birthday Feast!

Happy Birthday to Friday's Feast!! Appetizer Approximately how many hours per day do you spend watching television? Do I have to say? Probably 3-4. Soup Which colors decorate your kitchen? Currently, white and some random colors. Mom has the paint though, to paint it red and white with a light blue glaze over the white. Salad Name 2 brand names you buy on a regular basis, and what do you like about them? I guess this doesn't have to be clothes. I like to buy Calgon body sprays and lotions, because I like their scents, and I buy Degree deoderant. It's the only things I can think of. Main Course What is your biggest fear? One of my friends falling away from God. Other than that, probably being chased. I hate tag and games where there is no "safe" place. Dessert If you could wake up tomorrow and find yourself in another location, where would you want to be? With Charity. Or at this one lodge/chapel thing in the mountains we went to once. Bonus Birthday Question What's your favorite flavor of birthday cake? I love cheesecake, but I also have this weird affinity for very obviously fake foods, and so the Duncan Hines Strawberry cakes I LOVE!! Ciao! -Sarah (I'll try to post again tonight, but I'm going to a graduation ceremony. Make sure to vote on yesterday's post!)

Input

A blog is only as good as its readers. And I think y'all are great readers! But now, I'm asking for input. Here are 3 topics that I could blog on in the near future. Please pick one of them. -a post exploring/explaining why I support civil unions for homosexuals. -a post exploring/explaining why I support the death penalty -a post with a few of my dreams about guys that I've had(Oh they are interesting). So, I need to know! Vote now! Gim di lehna, Sarah

Tonight's exercise...

at Youth Group. Santa Clause does exist! Man really didn't land on the moon. Tupac isn't dead. Michael Jackson never had plastic surgery. OJ really didn't kill that white girl. (That was Ben...if you know Ben, it fits) Babies come from storks. If you believe all that stuff, you're as crazy as the people who believe that Jesus really wasn't ressurrected.

Internet and boys

So last night my internet went out...a cable went out or something. So I apologize for the lack of posts last night. Have you ever heard a song that you love, but doesn't apply to your life? Well, I've met many of them. The problem is that most songs are about breakups, and I've never even dated a guy, much less broken up with one. Music is universal though. It's a form, a very important form of communication. But for once, I realized that a song applies to the guy I like...at least for this moment, I have a song that almost nearly exactly applies to me. I love these lyrics Beautiful Disaster (Written by Matthew Wilder/Rebekah Jordan) Performed by Kelly Clarkson He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme I know He's as damned as he seems More Heaven than a heart could hold And if I tried to save him My whole world could cave in Just ain't right Just ain't right Oh and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster If I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster He's magic and myth As strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see And do I try to change him So hard not to blame him Hold on tight Hold on tight Oh and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster If I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy hysterical I'm waiting for some kind of miracle Waiting so long He's soft to the touch But frayed at the ends he breaks He's never enough And still he's more than I can take --------- I love that song. Ratukama, Sarah

Friends

I know you're scared you're too tired to fight but hold on just hold on... You know, I've realized more and more what fellowship and friendship mean in my life. I know that when I'm hurting, my friends are there to pick me up. I appreciate their prayers and honesty and love. So if you consider yourself my friend, I want to say thank you. Thanks for being my friend. And know that I'm here for you, always. After all, that's what friends are for...*insert cheesy music here* Jakshï bolzïn, Sarah

I don't know..

I Don't Know Lyrics by Mac Powell/Music by Third Day From the recording: Come Together, Track #9. Cannot find the words to say I'm sorry Don't know how to show you I was wrong Wasted all that you had given to me Now I'm left with nothing and no one And I find it's my fault I'm the only one to blame For the tears and the pain I don't know what I can say Or would it matter anyway 'Cause I don't know how you could still forgive me For all that I have put you through Is there anything that I can do I would give my life to find your mercy All my life has lead to this decision To return and ask you this one thing And if I had one chance or if a million Would it ever be enough for me To explain what I've done Now I know that I was wrong Will you hold me again I don't know what I can say Or would it matter anyway 'Cause I don't know how you could still forgive me For all that I have put you through Is there anything that I can do I would give my life to find your mercy What will it take until you forgive me I don't know And I find it's my fault I'm the only one to blame For the tears and the pain I don't know what I can say Or would it matter anyway 'Cause I don't know how you could still forgive me For all that I have put you through Is there anything that I can do I would give my life to find your mercy I don't know what I can say Or would it matter anyway 'Cause I don't know how you could still forgive me For all that I have put you through Is there anything that I can do I would give my life to find your mercy What will it take until you forgive me Oh Lord, will I find that you have already I don't know ------------ Au Revoir, Sarah

Change!

So this morning I woke up and had a strong urge to hack all my hair off. Or get it hacked off, I should say. To make a long story short, God worked it all out so I got my hair cut nice and not more expensive than I can afford, and it is COMPLETELY wonderful. The girl understood my curls, and she understood my needs, and my wants, and everything! So now I have gorgeous hair! That is really short! I guess what this all reminds me of is that God has great plans for my life, but sometimes they involve change. I don't like change all that much. I'm not quite as bad as my sister, but still change is a bit unpleasant. I don't like it, but God uses it often. If I go through my life without bothering to change emotionally, physically, mentally, and most importantly spiritually, then I will not be a complete person. I know change is scary. I had never been to this lady to get my hair cut. For all I knew she could have whacked my hair so badly that I'd need to shave it all off and start over. You can't glue hair back on. But I knew that it was time for change. It was time to do something new. I needed that boost. And what happened? I love my hair. If I had been too afraid to take a risk I would never have been able to do it. My challenge for you is to, this week, don't be afraid of change. It can be scary, but who knows if you'll end up with a wonderful result? Jakisiñkama, Sarah

Is it time for food?

Of course! It's time for Friday's Feast! Appetizer Whose intelligence do you find intimidating? Probably my dad's. He's so stinking smart. I mean, the man is brilliant. Soup Name something you've done that surprised yourself. Everything I've ever done!! Probably losing 15 lbs that one time. Salad List 3 people whom you have only "met" online, but consider good friends. I can only list the ones that I haven't met. Angela Pickle, Trillium, and...hmm..there's SO MANY!! Main Course Where is the dirtiest place you've ever been? A bathroom in a K-Mart(Or was it Roses) with flies and dirt and dirty toilet paper everywhere. Dessert What is the best example of "perfection" that you can think of? Jesus, plain and simple:)

Frustration

Yesterday I had a post all planned out, but then our internet connection got cut off and it was out all day, so there was no post from yesterday. It frustrated me greatly, but I'll post it today for you. Stripped and broken I come to You Holding nothing of my own Longing just to hear your voice Just a whisper from Your throne You are life to me and I live to worship You You are wonderful You're truly wonderful You are beautiful And Lord, I'm reaching out to you Humbly I kiss Your feet Taste the sweetness of Your grace Still hungry for Your every word I want to see You face to face You are life to me and I live to worship You You are wonderful You're truly wonderful You are beautiful And Lord, I'm reaching out to you Wonderful, from the Micah Tawlks Band's 2004 release, Treasure

Eyes Wide Open

eyes wide open to the great train robbery of my soul impending blindness of the kind that's beyond my control eyes wide open to the secret forest beyond those tear-filled trees heart-rending blindness won't testify that i'm on my knees maybe i'm a little young to care maybe i'm a little old to cry i don't know maybe i'm a little weak to dance maybe i'm a little strong to die i don't know concentrating love and i'm hating myself again impersonating the smallest shadow of my original self again does anybody really want to grasp my hand and lift me to my feet? does anybody really want to be the breeze that frightens off this heat? Eyes Wide Open lyrics by Linford Detweiler, performed by Over the Rhine This song is my best friend's favorite song from her favorite band. I don't know why I decided to post the lyricsm, but I did. I was reading last night in Ephesians 2, about being alive in Christ and not part of the empty way of life that the world lives, and I was really thinking about how I tend to live with the stench of the world on my clothes, meaning that I wallow in sin rather than rejoicing in victory. The word holy means "to be set apart". Furthermore it means "to be set apart for Divine purposes". If I'm living a life of holiness, I should be letting God work though me in everything. I guess I've been struggling with some stuff in my life recently, letting satan sneak up on me and such, and I haven't realized truly that God called me to be set apart. CS Lewis once said "How little people know who think that holiness is dull...When one meets the real thing, it’s irresistible." A life truly and completely abandoned to God isn't boring, on the contrary it is more fulfilling than anything else in all of the world. God called me to be holy, because He is holy. Isn't it so wonderful to know that not only did He ask me to be set apart, but He didn't put it all on me! He knew I couldn't even come close to being holy, so Jesus lives in me so I can be holy. How cool is that? Maybe I'm just in awe of that, or maybe God's reminding me that we should always be in awe of his grace. Sampon, Sarah

Quote

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. -Dr Seuss Don't I wish I could say that was true. Man alive, I would have a KICKIN reality if that was true. *HUGS* Chau! -Sarah

Productive today....

sort of! I've got two new Kelly Clarkson wallpapers for you to see:) Hear Me (http://imageshack.us) Addicted So anyway, that's about it. -Sarah

Baby Rowan

I just read a heartbreaking story about a little baby named Rowan. Reading this story reduces me to tears. I can never understand abortion. I will never understand how you can kill something so precious as a human life. WorldNet has more on the story (While a lot of the time I don't and won't trust WorldNet, they have more of the story from his mother's perspective). NOTE: While the Yahoo article has a link to a picture of Baby Rowan, WorldNet has them in the story, and so be warned that while they are not particulary gruesome, they are heartwrenching, so only click if you want to see. Plus the WorldNet article in and of itself is rather graphic... The saddest part is that this lady says that she is a Christian. Speaking of her Christian faith, Angele[the mother] said, "I know you're thinking, 'How can a Christian possible[sic] make that decision?' – but I think it happens a lot more often than you think." Sadly, I think she's right. What to do? I don't know. I think each of us should pray and ask God what He wants us to do. What I do know is that we need to show more love and grace, rather than condemnation and hatred. Sala gabotse,Sarah

Narnia trailer!

Look inside the wardrobe and see...This literally brought tears to my eyes, seeing the Narnia teaser trailer. NarniaWeb has all the info on the trailer and ways to watch it. If you've never read the book--get it and READ IT! It's not like a monstrosity of a book--it's only 100 something pages, very easy to read. If you can't read, simply anticipate the movie along with me. I'm so excited about this movie. It comes out December 9th, and everyone should go see it. The better this one is, the more likely they will make more of the series(Prince Caspian is rumored to be in the works). Just imagine it! More Aslan, more Lucy and Peter and Susan and Edmund, and oh, even Reepicheep! I can't even think about how exciting that would be! In case you can't tell, I am thrilled for this movie. Not only is it my favorite fiction book EVER, but it is an excellent door for discussion about God and faith. Even more than LOTR this movie has Christian themes and influences (Though all of the books stand on their own as fiction, and great fiction at that). So I'm telling you now, hop on the Narnia bandwagon, before the rest of the world sees the wonder as well. Mahaha dinn, Sarah

A "new" kind of Christian?

So I did this job for someone last weekend--I read off the bibliographical information of about 70-90 books for this guy who was writing a paper. I babysit for his kids, and so he called and asked for someone to read them to him so he could write them all out. I noticed that he had 3 copies of the same book. At the end of the day, he told me to take one of them, and that it was a really good book. So I did. The book is called A New Kind of Christian by Brian D. McLaren. (As a random note, why do authors always use their middle initials? It's like 75% of the books that I read out to him had the author's middle initial. One of them was Z, I remember. Why would you want to use Z? It does NOT make you sound more impressive.) As I've been reading it (it's good so far, but I'm not too far along) I've realized something. The guy talks about approaching a new way of thinking about Christianity and church and stuff. I've seen a lot of books, read a lot of websites, seen a lot of blog posts about the same topic. Is this "new" way of being a Christian really new? I've been reading in Acts, and all about the early church. Now there's some radical people. I'd imagine that those early churches would take the view of these "new way" thinkers. So why is it new? Why are we talking about this radical way of being a Christian? Personally I think it has not quite as much to do about culteral significance as a lot of people have said. After all in Acts culteral significance is one of the last things addressed. Don't think I think that culteral impact is irrelevant--I think it is very applicable--just not as important as some people think it is. More on this to come later. Duumúndu, Sarah

Guilty pleasures

So Mark Lee has been posting recently about his guilty pleasures recently, and so being inspired from that, I decided to make my own list of guilty pleasures. Now mine is a little bit different. I've picked 8 songs that are currently on the top 50 of the Billboard Hot 100 that I like. Some of them aren't guilty. Ok, like 3 of them aren't guilty. The others, well I did post about being honest, right? (The reason there is only 8 is because I didn't like enough of them to have 10. I don't listen to hip-hop or rap, so everything else is pretty much out) 1. Since U Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson (No. 8). This one I don't feel guilty about. I love Kelly and I like this song. It's a good one to sing at the top of your lungs driving down the road. (Oops, did I just admit to that?) 2. Lonely No More, Rob Thomas (No. 9). This one is a little bit guilty. I think it's the "Ohohoh, ohohoh"s that I like the best. 3. Mr. Brightside, The Killers (No. 13). I actually (confession) don't like this one as much as Somebody Told Me, but it's still on my "like" list. 4. Let Me Go, 3 Doors Down (No. 21). I know they're panned by critics but I really, really, really like 3 Doors Down. Maybe it's something with me and bands that have something to do with the number 3) 5. Collide, Howie Day (No. 34). This one is an old song(meaning it's been charting for awhile) 6. Incomplete, Backstreet Boys (No. 35). This one IS embarrasing. I've heard so many people say "But it's BACKSTREET!". To that I say "It's an ORCHESTRA". I love songs with orchestration in them. I just think violins were meant to go with rock. 7. Behind These Hazel Eyes, Kelly Clarkson (No. 38). I have no shame about this song. I absolutely love, love, love it. I hope it hits #1 and stays there, because it deserves it. It's a kick-butt song. 8. Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson (No. 39). I know, I know, this offically puts me as a Kelly fan. But I am! And I will admit that proudly. Menega, Sarah

Thank goodness it's Friday!

Time for Friday's Feast! Appetizer Name a store or restaurant you no longer visit because of a bad experience you had there. Well, I can't think of any right now(though I'm sure they exist), but I used to shop at Rave a lot, and they had some cool clothes, and now I don't because they got hoochie clothes. Soup If you could own any building in existence, which one would you want? Any building? How random is that? I have no stinking clue. Off the top of my head, maybe the Carolina Theatre. Salad What's your favorite commercial these days? I LOVE that Sonic commercial, the "W-Rap" one. I swear I crack up EVERY time I see that commercial. I'll try to see if I can find it online. It's so great.. Main Course When was the last time you felt guilty about spending money, and what was it you purchased? I always feel guilty about spending money. Probably yesterday when I bought conditioner. Even though it was 99 cents Dessert Friday's Feast is going to be having it's First Birthday in 2 weeks. What should we do to celebrate? Pick the most popular questions and use them. -Sarah

Prayer and troops

This book is to be neither an accusation nor a confession, and least of all an adventure, for death is not an adventure to those who stand face to face with it. It will try simply to tell of a generation of men who, even though they may have escaped shells, were destroyed by the war. Introduction, All Quiet on the Western Front Today was National Day of Prayer. I went to the church and gathered with a few(a small few) people and we prayed for our country, our state, our church, our families, and our troops. It's so important I think to pray for the troops overseas. Whether you agree with war or not, the fact is that there is a war going on, and wherever there is war, there are men who come home broken and abused. Now don't think I'm comparing the US forces in Iraq to the German troops in WWI. Nothing of the sort. If you study the reasons Germany lost the war, why the generation was destroyed, etc, then you'll know that they are nothing alike. But the point of this post is to remind everyone to pray for all the branches of our military. It isn't an easy calling. They need all the prayer we can give. Hatahana, Sarah

Am I invisible?

Am I invisible? Or do you just not care? I'm trying desperately--please see me You make it so obvious Your indifference is apparent My heart's crying loudly--please hear me So you couldn't care less. Then why do I? I can't take it anymore--please don't ignore me. ---- I don't like being ignored. Hatred I can take. Animosity I can handle. Indifference I can't. It's the most frustrating thing in the world to desperately want someone to notice you and have them not even care. Maybe that's what God goes through with us. He loves us far beyond I can like any boy, and yet I ignore him even worse than the guy I like ignores me. If you'll excuse me, I think I need to spend some time with the Someone I've been apathetic towards. Sala kakuhle, Sarah

Free

Air. I can finally breathe again. Light. I can finally see again. No longer am I a slave. I am free. -- Have you ever just woken up with the realization that you are free? I posted about "the mat" on Sunday. I don't think I knew how good it was to go down to that altar and cry and just hand everything over the Jesus. I woke up on Monday and I felt freer then I have in a long time. Sort of like the man that was paralyzed must have felt life. For once he didn't have to lay on the mat. Ironically, as soon as I handed everything over to Jesus, it all worked out. I still had my Spanish final I was worried about, but I'm pretty sure I got an A on the written part, and a received a 100 on my oral exam. I still didn't know if I was going to be able to work at Camp this summer, and on Monday the staffing director called and told me they had a spot in second session, and actually the girl I switched with said first session might work even better for her. I got paid, which means my money troubles are over for the time being(thank you Jesus) and I've got plenty of time to get all my other school stuff done. Isn't that how God works, though? Doesn't He help us exactly when we need it? I have another really good example of God working in my life right when I said "God, I can't do anything else. I'm resigned to this situation as it is." Basically when I least expected it. (I'm not going to share it because it's a little too personal, eg. a lot of people in my life who might have a link to this site don't need to know it) So if you've got a "mat" you're struggling with, take heart. Know that God is on your side, and go forth in freedom. Sawatdi, Sarah

Being completely honest.

If I can be completely honest, I feel like people think more of me than I deserve. If I were to be transparent, you would find out that I struggle so much with living life as one who is "set apart". If you were to know what goes on inside me, you'd find out that I am terrified of bringing up God with non-Christians, because I feel it's awkward. Honestly, I struggle with pride as a result of condemnation. (now how's that for a paradox) Deep down, I have a hard time trusting God a lot of times. It truly hurts that none of the guys I know like me. See, there's me being honest. If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that we have to be honest. I encourage you to, whatever day you're reading this, just be honest. Be honest with your friends, be honest with God, and be honest with yourself. "We are men of action. Lies do not become us" Adiós! -Sarah (P.S. Spanish final tomorrow!!)

Get off the mat

I was so exhausted last night. I got in at 2 AM after volunteering at the All Things New Tour--I had to drive some people home. I am still tired even now. Meaning I skipped Sunday School this morning and just went to service. We had a guest speaker, Dr. Michael Sedler, who talked about "The Pits of Life". I'm going to share my sermon notes because I have to tell you--it really was a great sermon and God definitely used it to speak to me. Mark 2:1-11 (Was the text) Was the man resigned to being paralyzed? That it was his "lot in life"? After awhile, the mat becomes comfortable because we get tired of the battle. The story doesn't say the man wanted help, was saved, or desired anything, but he was blessed. How do we get on the mat? 1. We get overwhelmed -Wrestlers that are overpowered become overwhelmed and don't have any hope of recovering on their own. 2. We let our guard down -addictions(we can't let up or they will take hold of us) -his son and his son's fiancee going a bit too far while engaged because they let their guard down -Movies(you just watch a little bit, let yourself get involved for a little bit, and then you're caught. It might not be extremely bad, but it makes you feel defiled. God is the God of the mountaintops, but He's also the Lord of the valleys. 3. We get tricked or outmaneuvered. -Basketball(you get tricked, and even if you're just a half a step behind, it matters) -Do you ever feel like you're a half a step behind satan? -Gossip tricks us and binds us -The enemy is a deceiver 4. We get out of shape -When Dr. Sedler played basketball, he thought he was in shape, and he did work out, but he wasn't in basketball shape. -We feel distant from God and can't do anything about it. -It sets you up for a fall 5. We make a mistake -We simply stumble and fall and can't get up NOTE:Here is his illustration If you're in the mat here, you'll be on it anywhere else you go. If you leave a place angry and bitter, you'll take your anger and bitterness with you. How do we stay off the mat? 1. You must have desire -If you have desire you can do anything -Blind Bartimaeus (He cried out all the more louder) -The woman with the bleeding problem(She was weak and had to crawl to Jesus, but her desire to get off the mat made her strong) 2. Friends -The man on the mat had friends to help him. -It says "When Jesus saw their faith" he told the man he was healed. -I should want to have faith so I can help my friends too. -Cross therapy(Don't use any secular methods--use cross therapy. Take people to the foot of the cross and then Jesus can heal them) -The friends didn't counsel, console, or rescue him-they brought him to Jesus. It's not my faith that brings my healing, it's my Savior that brings my healing. ----- That was the end. Let me tell you I needed it then and I still need it now. That mat might be something different in your life than the many things it is in my life, but I'm sure someone who is reading this is on the mat. I realize that it is a process, and I know in my life getting up off the mat isn't going to be easy. But if there's one thing I can take faith in, it's these words: "Your sins are forgiven...I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." Bidaya neuchi, Sarah