“Low views of God destroy the gospel for all who hold them.” - AW Tozer

"Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love so that we may sing for joy and be glad all of our days." - Psalms 90:14

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Monday, October 31, 2005

I'll never be a CoverGirl...

When my sister and I were little, we used to have a strange habit. We'd go through our mom's Woman's Day and Family Circle and our grandma's Good Housekeeping and rip out pages. But not all the pages. Just certain ones. My sister wanted to collect every Got Milk ad they put in magazines. We would frantically look through every page to see if there was a new one. Even if there wasn't, we'd have 5 copies of the same old pictures. It was a delight to find new ones. We just wanted to have them all. Me? I didn't care as much about Got Milk. I wanted the CoverGirl ads. You know the ones--with the model's faces on them, and that's about it. I'd find out who they were by finding the small print that said "CoverGirl Cindy Crawford is wearing..." and it'd list a bunch of shades of eyeshadow and lipstick. I saved all my "rips" in a folder. And sometimes I'd take them out and look at them. My favorite model was Niki Taylor. I thought she was SO beautiful. I used to pretend like I knew them, so I'd reference them by their first names. But even as a little girl I always knew I wasn't that pretty. I knew that having pictures of supermodels would be the closest I'd get. But as I get older, I realize that God made me beautiful from the INSIDE out. I'll be beautiful not only because of my outward appearance, but because I have Jesus inside of me. And that's fine with me. My CoverGirl ad collection? Long gone. Jesus? Still here. Kastan, Sarah

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A.W. Tozer

This is a beautiful selection from The Pursuit of God. Enjoy.

Chapter 9 : Meekness and Rest

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
          Matt.5:5A
A fairly accurate description of the human race might be furnished one unacquainted with it by taking the Beatitudes, turning them wrong side out and saying, `Here is your human race.' For the exact opposite of the virtues in the Beatitudes are the very qualities which distinguish human life and conduct.

In the world of men we find nothing approaching the virtues of which Jesus spoke in the opening words of the famous Sermon on the Mount. Instead of poverty of spirit we find the rankest kind of pride; instead of mourners we find pleasure seekers; instead of meekness, arrogance; instead of hunger after righteousness we hear men saying, `I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing'; instead of mercy we find cruelty; instead of purity of heart, corrupt imaginings; instead of peacemakers we find men quarrelsome and resentful; instead of rejoicing in mistreatment we find them fighting back with every weapon at their command. Of this kind of moral stuff civilized society is composed.

The atmosphere is charged with it; we breathe it with every breath and drink it with our mother's milk. Culture and education refine these things slightly but leave them basically untouched. A whole world of literature has been created to justify this kind of life as the only norm alone. And this is the more to be wondered at seeing that these are the evils which make life the bitter struggle it is for all of us. All our heartaches and a great many of our physical ills spring directly out of our sins. Pride, arrogance, resentfulness, evil imaginings, malice, greed: these are the sources of more human pain than all the diseases that ever afflicted mortal flesh.

Into a world like this the sound of Jesus' words comes wonderful and strange, a visitation from above. It is well that He spoke, for no one else could have done it as well; and it is good that we listen. His words are the essence of truth. He is not offering an opinion; Jesus never uttered opinions. He never guessed; He knew, and He knows. His words are not as Solomon's were, the sum of sound wisdom or the results of keen observation. He spoke out of the fulness of His Godhead, and His words are very Truth itself. He is the only one who could say `blessed' with complete authority, for He is the Blessed One come from the world above to confer blessedness upon mankind. And His words were supported by deeds mightier than any performed on this earth by any other man. It is wisdom for us to listen.

As was often so with Jesus, He used this word `meek' in a brief crisp sentence, and not till some time later did He go on to explain it. In the same book of Matthew He tells us more about it and applies it to our lives. `Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for

A.W. Tozer

This is a beautiful selection from The Pursuit of God. Enjoy.

Chapter 9 : Meekness and Rest

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
          Matt.5:5A
A fairly accurate description of the human race might be furnished one unacquainted with it by taking the Beatitudes, turning them wrong side out and saying, `Here is your human race.' For the exact opposite of the virtues in the Beatitudes are the very qualities which distinguish human life and conduct.

In the world of men we find nothing approaching the virtues of which Jesus spoke in the opening words of the famous Sermon on the Mount. Instead of poverty of spirit we find the rankest kind of pride; instead of mourners we find pleasure seekers; instead of meekness, arrogance; instead of hunger after righteousness we hear men saying, `I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing'; instead of mercy we find cruelty; instead of purity of heart, corrupt imaginings; instead of peacemakers we find men quarrelsome and resentful; instead of rejoicing in mistreatment we find them fighting back with every weapon at their command. Of this kind of moral stuff civilized society is composed.

The atmosphere is charged with it; we breathe it with every breath and drink it with our mother's milk. Culture and education refine these things slightly but leave them basically untouched. A whole world of literature has been created to justify this kind of life as the only norm alone. And this is the more to be wondered at seeing that these are the evils which make life the bitter struggle it is for all of us. All our heartaches and a great many of our physical ills spring directly out of our sins. Pride, arrogance, resentfulness, evil imaginings, malice, greed: these are the sources of more human pain than all the diseases that ever afflicted mortal flesh.

Into a world like this the sound of Jesus' words comes wonderful and strange, a visitation from above. It is well that He spoke, for no one else could have done it as well; and it is good that we listen. His words are the essence of truth. He is not offering an opinion; Jesus never uttered opinions. He never guessed; He knew, and He knows. His words are not as Solomon's were, the sum of sound wisdom or the results of keen observation. He spoke out of the fulness of His Godhead, and His words are very Truth itself. He is the only one who could say `blessed' with complete authority, for He is the Blessed One come from the world above to confer blessedness upon mankind. And His words were supported by deeds mightier than any performed on this earth by any other man. It is wisdom for us to listen.

As was often so with Jesus, He used this word `meek' in a brief crisp sentence, and not till some time later did He go on to explain it. In the same book of Matthew He tells us more about it and applies it to our lives. `Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.' (Mat 11:28-30) Here we have two things standing in contrast to each other, a burden and a rest. The burden is not a local one, peculiar to those first hearers, but one which is borne by the whole human race. It consists not of political oppression or poverty or hard work. It is far deeper than that. It is felt by the rich as well as the poor for it is something from which wealth and idleness can never deliver us.

The burden borne by mankind is a heavy and a crushing thing. The word Jesus used means a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion. Rest is simply release from that burden. It is not something we do, it is what comes to us when we cease to do. His own meekness, that is the rest.

Let us examine our burden. It is altogether an interior one. It attacks the heart and the mind and reaches the body only from within. First, there is the burden of pride. The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable.

Yet the sons of earth are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against them, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before them. Such a burden as this is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort. He develops toward himself a kindly sense of humor and learns to say, `Oh, so you have been overlooked? They have placed someone else before you? They have whispered that you are pretty small stuff after all? And now you feel hurt because the world is saying about you the very things you have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing, a mere worm of the dust. Where is your consistency? Come on, humble yourself, and cease to care what men think.'

The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God's estimate of his own life. He knows he is as weak and helpless as God has declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that he is in the sight of God of more importance than angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything. That is his motto. He knows well that the world will never see him as God sees him and he has stopped caring. He rests perfectly content to allow God to place His own values. He will be patient to wait for the day when everything will get its own price tag and real worth will come into its own. Then the righteous shall shine forth in the Kingdom of their Father. He is willing to wait for that day.

In the meantime he will have attained a place of soul rest. As he walks on in meekness he will be happy to let God defend him. The old struggle to defend himself is over. He has found the peace which meekness brings.

Then also he will get deliverance from the burden of pretense. By this I mean not hypocrisy, but the common human desire to put the best foot forward and hide from the world our real inward poverty. For sin has played many evil tricks upon us, and one has been the infusing into us a false sense of shame. There is hardly a man or woman who dares to be just what he or she is without doctoring up the impression. The fear of being found out gnaws like rodents within their hearts. The man of culture is haunted by the fear that he will some day come upon a man more cultured than himself. The learned man fears to meet a man more learned than he. The rich man sweats under the fear that his clothes or his car or his house will sometime be made to look cheap by comparison with those of another rich man. So-called `society' runs by a motivation not higher than this, and the poorer classes on their level are little better.

Let no one smile this off. These burdens are real, and little by little they kill the victims of this evil and unnatural way of life. And the psychology created by years of this kind of thing makes true meekness seem as unreal as a dream, as aloof as a star. To all the victims of the gnawing disease Jesus says, `Ye must become as little children.' For little children do not compare; they receive direct enjoyment from what they have without relating it to something else or someone else. Only as they get older and sin begins to stir within their hearts do jealousy and envy appear. Then they are unable to enjoy what they have if someone else has something larger or better. At that early age does the galling burden come down upon their tender souls, and it never leaves them till Jesus sets them free.

Another source of burden is artificialy. I am sure that most people live in secret fear that some day they will be careless and by chance an enemy or friend will be allowed to peep into their poor empty souls. So they are never relaxed. Bright people are tense and alert in fear that they may be trapped into saying something common or stupid. Traveled people are afraid that they may meet some Marco Polo who is able to describe some remote place where they have never been.

This unnatural condition is part of our sad heritage of sin, but in our day it is aggravated by our whole way of life. Advertising is largely based upon this habit of pretense. `Courses' are offered in this or that field of human learning frankly appealing to the victim's desire to shine at a party. Books are sold, clothes and cosmetics are peddled, by playing continually upon this desire to appear what we are not. Artificiality is one curse that will drop away the moment we kneel at Jesus' feet and surrender ourselves to His meekness. Then we will not care what people think of us so long as God is pleased. Then what we are will be everything; what we appear will take its place far down the scale of interest for us. Apart from sin we have nothing of which to be ashamed. Only an evil desire to shine makes us want to appear other than we are.

The heart of the world is breaking under this load of pride and pretense. There is no release from our burden apart from the meekness of Christ. Good keen reasoning may help slightly, but so strong is this vice that if we push it down one place it will come up somewhere else. To men and women everywhere Jesus says, `Come unto me, and I will give you rest.' The rest He offers

Thursday, October 27, 2005

It really makes a difference.

Some of you might not know, but one of my classes I'm taking this year is Beginning Tennis. I'm definitely not the worst person in the class (I took private lessons my freshman year), but I am far from the best. I've been having some trouble with my serve recently. Ok, I've always had trouble with my serve. But it's been really bad recently. I actually was late for class because I forgot my racket and had to come back and get it, and as a result I didn't get to play with my normal playing partner, who was already playing doubles. I played with a few girls in the class, then they had to go and were hurt, respectively, so I was kind of left without a partner. Our coach came over and played with me for awhile, since I didn't have anyone else. Everyone was sort of leaving around 11:20, but our class doesn't end until 11:40, and my coach asked if I want to go, or I could stay if I wanted to. He said he could show me some stuff about my serve. I said I'd stay. So for the next 20 minutes, I got a nice private lesson where I learned more about what I was doing wrong with my serve and how to fix it. And I did get better serves. They looked nicer at least. I've got a solid "second serve", but not a very good "first serve". And at the end of the class, I felt really good about my serve. As I was driving home I realized that the attention he gave me really helped me, and because it helped me, it made me happy. The fact that he cared about what he was teaching and cared to tell me what I was doing wrong really made a big impact on me. I hope if I'm ever in the position of teaching I won't get so burned out that I don't take the time to talk to those I'm instructing--to help them and give them the tools so they can learn better and be better. After all, that's what a real teacher does--teach. Sala gabotse, Sarah

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Sing ALONG!

PEOPLE SAY I'M STRANGE, DOES THAT MAKE ME A STRANGER? MY BEST FRIEND WAS BORN IN A MANGER... PEOPLE SAY I'M STRANGE, DOES THAT MAKE ME A STRANGER? MY BEST FRIEND WAS BORN IN A MANGER... dooo dooo dodo dooo dodododo dodododo (awesome guitar solo) What will people think if they hear that I'm a Jesus freak? What will people do if they find out it's true? I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak there ain't no disguising the truth! -Sarah

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tooting my own horn...

I'm currently filling out my college applications to send in. It's not hard work--I already know my address and my parents names and stuff like that. I'm putting nice little post-its to categorize which reference forms go to which people, and I have a list of schools I've got to send my SAT scores to. But you know what is hard? Listing all my "activities" and "accomplishments". For one of the (Christian) schools I'm applying to, one of the essay topics is "What would you like us to know about you as a person?" Talk about weird. It's like I have to list everything I've acheived up to this point in my life. And it's really, really strange. I think it's good for me that I'm not too comfortable with that. God really has to work on me to get me to where I don't like tooting my own horn. Because I have a hard time with that--I get so prideful and think that somehow I accomplish it. But I haven't. And so as I fill out these applications I thank God that it does still feel odd. And I thank Him for all He's done through me. He didn't have to. But He did anyway. And so as I think about this, I think I'm just going to toot His horn. He deserves it. Adéu, Sarah

Sunday, October 23, 2005

It's been fun, it's been great..

I had a most amazing weekend. Nothing is better than the State Fair, the NC Yam Festival, and hanging out with friends. And when I look back at weekends as amazing as this past one has been, I just have to give a great big "Thanks God". He's really cool in that He lets me do stuff like that--hang out with my friends. And have a blast. God told me a lot of stuff this weekend, but that's for me to know and you to find out later. For now I am exhausted. Sorry for the lack of updates. But I've been too busy having fun. Segobe, Sarah

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I have never learned how to dive

"I have come to give myself up," he said "It is well," said Mother Kirk "you have come a long way round to reach this place, whither I would have carried you in a few moments. But it is very well." "What must I do?" said John "You must take off your rags" said she, "as your friend has done already, and then you must dive into this water." "Alas," said he, "I have never learned how to dive." "There is nothing to learn," said she "the art of diving is not to do anything new, but simply to cease doing something. You have only to let yourself go." C.S. Lewis, The Pilgrim's Regress. It sounds so easy, doesn't it? Is it really that simple? Alu la, Sarah

Monday, October 17, 2005

Comfort.

Everyone wants to be comfortable. I mean, it's about us, right? It's about what makes me happy, what makes me feel like everything is fine. None of us want to be uncomfortable. It doesn't feel good.
But sometimes God wants us to be at a place where we are vulnerable. Where it isn't comfortable, and we're put in this position of "God, why this? Why me?". And nothing scares a person who doesn't really love Jesus (but pretends to) more than that place.
Safety is selfishness. Not to say that God always asks us to go to that place of vulnerability, of doing something we don't want to, but sometimes He does.
And when God puts something in your heart, it's rather odd. At least I know for me. He's told me to get up in front of my whole church before. And tell them stuff--sometimes what they don't want to hear. And for those who don't know me, I cry when that happens. Not like a few tears like I care a little bit. I sob. I start crying so much it makes no sense and sounds horrible.
And it's embarrasing. It's uncomfortable. And I normally LIKE getting in front of people. But when God lays something, whether something to say or do on your heart, you need to do it. No matter how horrible. It's much too rewarding not to do so.
God is telling me that I might be in a place soon I don't want to be in. An uncomfortable place. And you know what? I think I'll give it a try. Knowing Him it'll be worth it.
Khosh,
Sarah

Sunday, October 16, 2005

In and out.

Isn't it amazing how people can pop back into your life? You know them, they're your friends, and then through circumstances, they just disappear. Recently, there's been a few people pop up in my life I never expected to see again. Or talk to again, at least. And yet, there they are. Just unexpectedly show up. It's really funny when someone you know from way back when and someone you know now meet, and they become friends. Then your newer friend introduces you to this person you knew from a long time ago, and it's like "Yup, I know them". I always wonder why God brings people in and out of our lives. I guess there's a reason. And I think there's a joy in figuring that out. Aloha, Sarah

Friday, October 14, 2005

Be the Fire...

Jesus, be the center Be my source, be my light, Jesus Jesus, be the center Be my hope Be my song, Jesus Be the fire in my heart Be the wind in my sails Be the reason that I live Jesus, Jesus Jesus, be my vision Be my help Be my guide, Jesus Be the Centre Music and lyrics by Michael Frye © 1999 Vineyard Songs CCLI# 2650429
I absolutely love that song. There's just something so...innocent about it. It reminds me of a time in my life where I wanted to be God's and God's only. I craved Jesus. And now it seems like I'm more in love with the world than I ever was before. I'm not a fan of the whole "ignoring the world" idea. I don't think it's a good idea to just boycot everything and become really isolated and almost crazy. I'm not going to grow my hair long and pretend that it's what God wants of me. But I think there's a balance. There has to be a way that I can love God and focus on Him and not ignore the world around me. Where is that place where I can still understand the popular culture so I can reach it and yet be close to Jesus? I know I tend to go to the extremes. It's crazy. But I think that if I focus on making Jesus the center of all that I am, it'll turn out ok. After all, He knows where He wants me. And I am very thankful that
Let manggu-nanda, Sarah

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A sign?

I pass a church on my way to work every day. It's just an average Southern church. They've got one of those signs outside, you know with the letters you can change to make whatever you want. And as I drive by I always read it. They don't change it very often. Maybe once a week. This week it said A good name is more desirable than riches. Of course, that's from Proverbs. But as I'm driving it always gets me to thinking. What good does that sign do? What good does any church sign do. Whether they put up announcements like this particular church does (it said Fall Festival last week), or have corny church sign sayings, such as "Are you wrinkled with worry? Come into church for a faith lift!”, I don't see the point. Do those signs ever bring anyone to Jesus? Are they really an effective evangelism tool? Or are they just a waste of money? Couldn't you spend that money that you spent on the expensive sign to give to someone who NEEDS it? I guess I get so frustrated with churches doing "church" things like signs, and not doing stuff to show people what love really is. Shalom lejitraot, -Sarah (Sorry I haven't been posting. I had to take the SAT and have been busy with school)

Sunday, October 09, 2005

But it's such a cliché!

The Cinderella Special Edition DVD came out this past week. And there are a lot of commercials advertising it. I was watching TV tonight with my brother and one of the commercials came on. I mentioned, "I think that's my absolute favorite old animated Disney classic. That and Beauty and the Beast. But I think Cinderella is my favorite." My brother (who will be 13 in a few days) just looked at me and said "Why?". I replied with "What do you mean, 'why'? It's such a wonderful story!". Then he said something that made me realize that he is a guy. "But...it's such a cliché!" Yes, yes it is. But that cliché is what nearly all the girls I know want. It's a cliché because it's what we desire deep down. From the time you're born, the Cinderella story stirs something in you. Every girl wants her Prince Charming. Every girl wants to be transformed from plain to beautifully gorgeous. Every girl wants to know that she is loved and that a guy will do whatever it takes to pursue her. I dreamed the other day about my Prince Charming. How I knew it was him, I don't know. But I did. It was him. And it really was a wonderful dream. It was short, and if I explained it you'd probably be like "What?? That's just...normal and odd that you think it matters". But it was really special. And you know what? God does have the perfect man for me. (Not the perfect man, just the perfect fit for me). And He'll send him and all those cliché things at the right time. When I'm ready. Ourwayr, Sarah

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Changes come..

Well I said it might only be a week. And look, here it is not even a week! I just didn't like the old layout. It was too cramped. And I have another new feature. I love LJ icons, so I'm going to change my icon over there on the right side to what I'm watching, or what I'm in the mood for. Changes come in our lives. I'm not always the biggest fan of change, and God knows that. I get bored, but I like to have these constants in my life. And one of the greatest things about God is that He's always stretching me--asking me to do more and be more and really just get out of that comfort zone. Change isn't easy (unless you're changing from a bad layout to a better one), but with Jesus there, I can make it. Mbae mi lukem yufala, Sarah

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Are those singing birds?

Now I'm going to post about what I alluded to yesterday. I woke up on Monday at 7:20 in order to get to my computer class by 8. And as I woke up, I took a deep breath and sighed. I wasn't sleepy (which is a miracle!). And then when I went outside, the weather felt great. It was a beautiful day. But why? Well, on Sunday God and I talked about some stuff. I haven't been doing too good recently, and I was so busy I ended up shutting God out. But on Sunday I really talking to Him. And it was great. And He showed me grace and forgiveness. So as I was walking into the house around noon on Monday, I wondered why it seemed like such a good day. It's because everything was right with God. And as stupid as it sounds, that really does make life so much better. It reminded me of a song by an amazing band. Sometimes the past comes back to haunt me Sometimes the future seems unknown But today has enough worries of its own Sometimes I'm deep in the valley Sometimes I'm high on the mountaintop But today none of that matters Somtimes it's hard to believe that I've got You and You're all I need My days are better, my days are better with You Everyday I wanna see, more of You and less of me My days are better, my days are better with You Sometimes I feel just like a hero Sometimes I feel like I have let you down But today, I wish those days would disappear I know You've been through the valley I know You've been on the mountaintop But today, Lord You know I need You here Oh Lord, I can't help but wonder Why You never gave up on me I am nothing more than a desperate man in need You're the one who sets me free That song makes me smile, and now I know why--it's true. The worst day with Jesus is SO much better than the best day without Jesus. Kuna, Sarah

Monday, October 03, 2005

Lookin' Forward

Walking out in the freezing rain I feel nothing 'cause I numbed the pain I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back On this day Prayed last night Dear God please no But I was never good at letting go I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back On this day Good news can be so unkind When it's everything you have to leave behind I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back On this day In the taillights So much hindsight Telling me what I already know I know Lookin' Forward lyrics and music by Karin Bergquist and Linford Detweiler. Otherwise known as Over the Rhine I've been in this sort of mood recently. But not really anymore. I've got a post going in my brain about why. But it's not time to post it yet. It's not quite ready. So for now, read Over the Rhine. Hogi barthene, Sarah

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Justice?

There's a song being played on the radio nowadays that doesn't apply to me. It's the Paul Colman song "The One Thing". Not that it's a bad song, I like it. But I can't say that the words apply to me. Here are the lyrics: Here I am In a river of questions Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear? I see this life Its valley's and mountains And I think of all the roads that brought me here

I've questioned my reasons The life I'm living I've questioned my ability To judge wrong from right I've questioned all the things that I've ever called certain My race, my religion, my country, my mind


But the one thing I don't question is you You really love me like you say you do You really love me like you say you do Hold me Hold me


I've questioned significance Meaning and relevance Does the work I'm doing really matter at all? Well I've questioned my friendships Alliance, dependence Who will still be here when I fall?


Only one thing doesn't change Only one thing stays the same All I know at the end of the day is your love remains



At this point I've got a situation where I'm really questioning God. Not in a "do you love me?" sort of way, but in more of an "are you really just?" sort of way. I'm questioning what I've read in the Bible to what I'm seeing around me. It's very unfair. At least, to me all I can see is how unfair it is. I feel angry and hurt--not at the situation, but more at the God who would let the situation happen.


I find myself telling God, "Look. You say that if I delight myself in You that You will give me the desires of my heart. And I have delighted myself in You--I have faithfully seeked after You, and I can't have what my heart desires? I know that my desires are not bad or sinful, so why? Why are you telling me that I can't have what I most want--something that I desperately want?"


Now that may seem like just someone asking questions about God, but it really does have some big consequences. You see, if I believe that God lied about that promise, then I have to believe that He lied about everything else. I can't just say God lied about this one thing but is still God. Either God is God, perfect, holy, loving, and just, or I've been playing the part of the fool. These are questions that shake me to my core. I'm reminded of a C.S. Lewis selection from Mere Christianity I read last night:




I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.



This is a very hard situation. One of those I keep wishing would just "go away". But it won't. It won't just all be better. And right now I really am questioning God. As stupid as it seems, I'm questioning Him. I find myself getting a bit angry at him. "How dare you, God!" is my attitude at times. Some people are probably offended at this point in my post. "How dare YOU question God?" I can hear them say. But you know what? He's a big God. He can handle it.


And as much as I question Him, it's true. He really does love me like He says He does.
Khamaba kuhle, Sarah

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Well lookee here..

Somebody got a new layout! Now this new layout will definitely take some getting used to. The navigation is smaller, and there's a lot of blank space on the left side (That's because it didn't look right in 800x600 if I widened everything). I don't know how long I'll keep this layout. Maybe 2 weeks, maybe a month, maybe half a year. I just needed some change. The song lyrics (in case you didn't know) are "Someday My Prince Will Come" from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I'm not really into getting married or anything right now--I just like the song. It's more of a reminder that the only reason we can know love is because we know the greatest Lover. Anything else is simply not love. I need to go spend some time with Jesus--something I've been sorely neglecting. Comment about the layout...:) Magha