Passion

You never realize how passionately you believe something until someone challenges it. Today I was blessed with my best friend calling me up and telling me about another friend who she found out had some...interesting theology. This other friend believes that once you sin, you aren't saved anymore until you ask for forgiveness. My best friend and I spent 2 hours on the phone arguing with him (even though he wasn't there; we were really arguing against his arguments), just saying how asinine it was of him to even think that about God. I didn't realize how angry I was getting until I started crying. I started yelling to my best friend on the phone, telling her WHY he was wrong. I started just getting so worked up about the fact that someone would believe such a lie and expect others to believe it, that I just couldn't believe it. I started shouting about being saved by grace and how my righteousness is not my own. I am not my sin, I yelled, but I am, in Christ, a new created. Jesus Christ has become for us wisdom from God, that is our righteousness, holiness, and redemption, I told her. I think that was pretty much the jist of what I yelled, but there might have been something else. Why does this matter? Because I've been trying to figure out if all I learned at camp really stuck with me or not. I've been trying to figure out if I am letting God's love truly permeate through my life. And guess what? It is!! I not only am willing to yell those things, but I got so passionate because it is who I am and what I live by every day. And for that, I'm thankful. Prošaikua, Sarah

Humility

But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:20-21 I really don't want to be full of myself. And yet it's one of the things I struggle with most. "Look at me, aren't I grand?" is constantly something I feel like saying. (In the words of Peter Pan, "Oh the cleverness of me!". I'm so extroverted and loud and...prideful. But one trait that really is something I desire is humility. I've really been thinking a lot about humility recently--realizing that my righteousness is not my own. My pastor said something on Sunday that was interesting. He said something like "God's grace is big enough to cover everything". I'm sure he didn't think about that too hard, and I'm sure most people just were like "Yeah, that's right" (having heard it before), but it really struck me. If what Jesus did is enough to cover all my failures and all my pain, what is left for me? If God's redemption heals me completely, what is there left for me to redeem? I cannot be my own Savior, only God saves me. I never thought of that before, and I'm trying to let it sink in and revolutionize my thoughts. Segobe, Sarah Look at me aren't I grand? I have mansions of achievements cars of wonderful attributes and groomed yards of glorious praises. I've done it all. I have everything. I need nothing. Aren't I grand? My mansions are full of debt my cars are simply borrowed and my backyard is full of weeds. I bought these this house, took these cars, and made these yards with my pride. Now I realize I have nothing. And I need something. Look at me Aren't I grand? (Aren't I? Written 8/19/05)

With simple thoughts and simple minds...

Something's been bugging me recently, and it wasn't until last night that I realized what it is. I am tired of being a teenager. Not tired in the sense that "Ok, let me grow up now!", but tired in the sense of I'm sick of what being a teenager entails. I want to have nice, mature conversations with people who understand where I want to go, and understand my ideals, even if they don't agree with them. I want to be around people whose main concern is not whether or not they are punk enough for the world. I want to go to Christmas parties and mingle and dress up and go to a party, not slap on some jeans and go "hang out". One of my aunts is having a dinner party soon. I want to go to a dinner party. I want to have mature discussions with people about the state of the education system in America, and whether or not we are depleting the world's resources, and what can we do about global poverty, and how can we be more real in our relationships and so on and so forth. I am sick of conversations about driving. Not that I don't generally enjoy them, but when you're a teenager, you talk about driving all the time. What about the fact that most of the world doesn't own a car? I want to go out to lunch with friends and yes, discuss these deep issues, but also just have fun, mature fun. Not like "Let's rebel against the social order and show them our apathy about everything they have set in front of us" (which is totally stupid because you're just going into this OTHER social order, and rebelling cannot be apathy, because to rebel you have to have feelings agains something!), but like "how can we radically transform society? How can we influence the world beyond us? How do we live, not only for ourselves, but for others?" I have so much fun with my best friend doing teenage stuff, but some of the best times we've had have been when they're sitting there talking about important things. We'll talk about the education system, or what it means to be saved by grace alone, or a particular verse we've been stuck with. And at the end of those conversations, I feel smarter. I guess I don't really want to grow up--I just want my conversations to matter. I want to go out to lunch with friends and just chat. *sigh* Who knows if it'll happen. Maybe it'll never happen. But a girl can dream! Mechikung, Sarah

Happy, happy birthday...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALI! You should go visit Ali and wish her a Happy Birthday because tomorrow is her birthday. And she rocks like that. And cause she's an amazing friend. I know I've been lacking in posts recently, but I am totally enjoying my LONG weekend off work, school, etc. *sigh* One more day. And breaks are such a good thing to be thankful for! Taúnigigua bá búngua, -Sarah

What will you do?

I got an e-mail from World Vision today that had an interesting link on it. It's a link to an AIDS test. I got a lot of the answers right, but I did get a few wrong. How much do you know about AIDS? Do you know how many kids are orphaned every day by AIDS? Do you know which country has the fastest growing rate of AIDS? Which country has the highest prevalance rate? But beyond the "How much do you know", there's the underlying question "What will you do". I find myself often looking at problems and thinking "Hm. There's a problem." and doing nothing about it. For a long time, I didn't do anything about the problem of AIDS. Then God really hit me with what I needed to do (You can read about that HERE). I didn't realize I hadn't updated everyone. Well, I want to tell you that I am now the proud sponsor of a 5 year old girl from Lesotho, named Mathapelo. She sent me a letter the other day--she drew a cat and a girl and a house, and it made me cry. I'm 17. I need to save money for college . But if I can take part of my paycheck and send it to a little girl who needs my help, why can't you? Salud y vida, Sarah

You are what you (fill in the blank)

I've spent the last few minutes looking at nutritional information for a few fast food resteraunts. And let me just say, I'm very...mad at myself. I'll eat all kinds of junk that is FULL of calories and fat. I knew it was bad for me, but I didn't know it was THAT bad. It got me to thinking. What else am I putting in myself that I shouldn't. I mean, I might know it's not the best, but I could be completely blind to how bad it is. I could be filling my mind with junk that drags me down and be really oblivious to it. What are you putting in yourself? As they say, you are what you _________. So what is it you _______? What are you? Do uzdrzeni, Sarah

How do you know???

I’ve got my doubts and I’ve got my questions It’s nothing new ‘cause I’ve seen them before I’ve had my share of false revelations It always seems they’re knockin’ on my door You said that I should see the light But sometimes faith is blind How do you know, how do you know What I’m suppose to be doing Why do you go, why do you go on Thinking you know my fate So many times I’ve lost my step But never lost my way How do you know, how do you know When I don’t know myself You’re thinking that you’ve got all the answers You’ve got my situation figured out But you’re only seeing part of the picture There’s so much more that you don’t know about And here you come to speak your mind But I’ll say one more time How do you know, how do you know What I’m suppose to be doing Why do you go, why do you go on Thinking you know my fate So many times I’ve lost my step But never lost my way How do you know, how do you know When I don’t know myself How Do You Know lyrics by Mac Powell, music by Third Day. Off of Third Day's latest album, Wherever You Are.

Love comes softly.

I often expect love to come with a clash of symbols, and a great choir singing "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" loudly, in a triumphant manner. I expect it to come with great fanfare, announcing it's entrance: "I'm LOVE!". Of course love will let me know when it's coming, DUH! Not romantic love, neccessarily, though I think in the back of my mind I believe it to be so. But in terms of God's love. I always felt like if I was having a hard time, that God would woo me back with some powerful display of Himself. He would come with wind and fire and rush in and sweep me off of my feet. And He has, generally. I've had plenty of times where God has swept me off of my feet. But recently, I've been experiencing something different. I had a period a little bit ago where I just didn't want to serve God. Not in a bitter way, but almost like a "why bother?" sort of way. I felt like meandering along. Almost like "Ok, Bob, just let me sin!" (Bob is what I named my conscience). I was tired and weary and weak. But I didn't want to be there. I never want to be there. Once I'm there, my flesh cries out to stay there, but deep down I don't want to be in that place. Then God came. Not with clanging cymbols or booming drums, but with the softness of a lullaby, sweetly flowing in like the whisper of a flute. He began to show me who He is. He revealed Himself to me, and I realized that I was waking up every day with the realization that God loved me. With wide-eyed wonder I was going about my day. The presence of God was so real around me that it seemed as if I was immune to that part of me that I was in before. And now I'm realizing that even more than ever before, God is causing me to fall in love with Him. He is blessing me, and opening doors, but more than that, He is showing me who He is. He is revealing to me His love. "I have loved you with an everlasting love", He says to me. And while I've been more excited about God, I don't think I've ever been as in love with God as I am right now. He loves me, and I can rest in that love. Here's a song that I'm going to listen to going to sleep tonight. God loves me. Forever. Though the treasures of this life may fade Your love endures forever They will pass away things that man has made But your love endures forever Now I can't explain, or even understand Why you gave your life, to save sinful man But I know it's true, I've seen it myself Your love endures forever Though the seasons change with the passing time Your love endures forever And the sun will fade if just for the night Your love endures forever Though our pains and joys will come and go Your love endures forever Even in my fears I will always know That your love endures forever... Your Love Endures Lyrics by Mac Powell/Music by Third Day, from Conspiracy No. 5 Dogledanje, Sarah

Living Dangerous Lives

I found some sermon notes from a guest speaker at our church from back on June 29th. It really hit me again in the face how safe of a life I'm living. I have a safe Jesus, a safe faith, and a safe life. I don't want that anymore. Ali posted a little bit about how she doesn't want to be a safe player anymore. And that is totally inspiring. Maybe it's not just me that this sermon was for. So here are my notes. Living Dangerous Lives By Andy Eldred What has happened to churches nowadays? The churches that do grow only grow because of transfer growth. Otherwise known as "my new church does it better". What has happened to the powerful impact of the Gospel? Nowadays, the Gospel isn't good news, bad news, or any news at all. It's so dead. How can we expect the world to want to see what it's about? What is the most effective way to change society? Tell a different story! We are useless and ineffective as a church and as Christians - How do we paint a different picture? We need to have: 1. A dangerous memory -Sweet, warm, fuzzy pictures of the past won't carry you, dangerous pictures will. -In the desert, the Israelites stopped when they decided to remember slavery as safe. -Over and over in the OT the idea is repeated, "If God can deliver them once, he can do it again". -Our most dangerous picture is the Gospel. -We need to let our idea of a safe Jesus go, because that idea is wrong. -We want a sanitary Jesus - but Jesus was really so dangerous that they killed him. In Mark 1, a leper came to Jesus and asked for healing. The leper, an outcast, was asking Jesus to do something dangerous, and Jesus did! In healing the leper, Jesus was saying "I am willing! You are NOT an outcast! You are NOT less!" -Jesus became an outcast because he upset the status quo -Another example of a dangerous Jesus was when he overturned the tables. -Jesus is not safe -Following Jesus is dangerous! -We don't feel like Jesus is worth more than our lives, so we don't live dangerously -We need to have dangerous memories of Jesus, and dangerous memories in our own lives. 2. Dangerous critiques -Would we be comfortable bowing to our president if it were mandated? Even more than our president, Nebuchenezzer was dangerous! -In standing up to the king, the 3 Israelites were saying "How dare you demand a worship you are not worthy of? -It was a dangerous critique, but they were saved because God backs up dangerous stands. -Do we dare lift up the cross and say "No more against this" -Do we act like Christianity is a series of behavior modifications? Because IT ISN'T! It's about JESUS! -It is easier to give up your wrongs than it is to give up your rights. -If I focus on getting "over" my sins, and not sinning, I am becoming carnally minded! It's only when I turn to Jesus and focus on Him that I become heavenly minded! -We MUST have dangerous critiques for ourselves! 3. Dangerous promises -Daniel made a promise to God to not pray to anyone else. -A truly dangerous promise is one you might not be able to keep -Our dangerous promise is "If you walk with me, I'll show you a life that honors God". -Dangerous promises fly in the face of satan and our culture! We are trained to make safe, selfish promises. -Hebrews 11 is filled with dangerous promise-makers. -Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. -We might have the desire, but not the power; but that's ok! God will back up our faith with his power! 3. Dangerous songs -Intimacy is good, but songs should invoke passion! -There has never been a songless revolution! -In Ukraine, they stood in the freexing cold and sang a song of revolution. (See here for lyrics and an English translation). -Songs resonate within us! -In Isaiah 48, Isaiah was giving a dangerous prophecy, because he was IN Babylon at the time he spoke the prophecy. He painted an alternate picture for the ones in slavery! -Where is the danger in our songs? What challenges people for something more? If we are going to impact our culture, we need to paint an alternate picture! So in the end, how dangerous am I? How dangerous are my memories, critiques, promises and songs? How dangerous do I want to be? How dangerous can I be? Do pobachennya, Sarah

I can't comprehend peace...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 I don't really have much to say, except this passage has been stuck on my mind recently. I've been really worried about college and my financial situation, and school, and how I'm so crazy-busy, and just stressed out. I don't know about you, but it's hard for me to trust God. I get really worried about which college to go to, if I'm going to be able to get a car, if I'll be able to get a job, and if my parents will be able to afford to send me there. I guess time will tell, and I'm planning on still blogging in college, so I'll look back on this day next year and think "Well, I guess I know the answers now!" But the point of this is about that verse. When I'm freaked out about stuff, even stupid things that I just want or daily worries, I need to remember that God has it under control. It says "Rejoice in the Lord always", and then Paul repeats it... "Rejoice!". It's so hard to rejoice when I'm worried. The Lord is near. Not only do I simply love that verse, because it's pretty, but because it reminds me of another verse, Psalms 145:18, which says The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. That is powerful. I don't need to be worried. I don't need to be anxious or fret or spend my time worrying. God has it under control. All I have to do is present my requests and leave it at His feet. God's been showing me recently that He will give me peace, and He is faithful to keep His promises. Right now I'm very grateful for that promise of peace. Eni körïsinï, Sarah

Being friends with your family

I spent tonight with friends of mine talking about life, God, family, and friends. We talked a lot about why we can't tell our parents stuff, and how we can break the cycle with our own kids (when we have them). It was very informative, but it really did rip open some stuff... Even if I can't tell my mom and dad everything, I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and does know everything about me. If I'm having a bad day, He knows what I'm going through. He knows the deepest desires of my heart, better than I know myself. If you've got something you've been hiding, and can't tell your family, or really anyone, think about telling Jesus. He already knows. And He wants you to share with Him, to trust Him. He can handle it. Pay dawi, Sarah

Do I trust Him?

Ever wonder if God is just playing you? If He's stringing you along for no reason? Sometimes you want something so bad and when it doesn't look like it's going to happen, you start pointing the finger at God. Funny how we I tend to do that--point my finger at God and say "This is YOUR fault!" But it's also His "fault" that I'm even here. And it's His "fault" that I'm not dead in my sins. And truly, I don't trust Him because I'm scared sometimes of what He's offering. Not because I don't want it, but because I want it so badly I'm willing to sacrifice everything. God is my Heavenly Father. And He loves me more than I can imagine. He only wants what is best for me. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. So when I get frustrated in my life, I need to remember that God isn't playing me. He isn't cruel. When I ask Him for bread he isn't going to give me a rock. And if it seems like He's giving me a rock, well I can know that He has something so much better in store for me. Tšau, Sarah

He's Got It...

He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands. He's got my brothers and my sisters in his hands, He's got my brothers and my sisters in his hands, He's got my brothers and my sisters in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands. He's got the sun and the rain in his hands, He's got the moon and the stars in his hands, He's got the wind and the clouds in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands. He's got the rivers and the mountains in his hands, He's got the oceans and the seas in his hands, He's got you and he's got me in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands. He's got everybody here in his hands, He's got everybody there in his hands, He's got everybody everywhere in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands.

It's amazing the things we say

Without realizing what they really mean. I found these today. And since I have strep throat and am not really up to a big post, you get a little glimpse into me at (my best guess) age 7. I had no idea then what I wrote about. Now I do Ixudzan, Sarah

Sick...

Isn't it amazing how everything becomes important when you're sick? I woke up today feeling pretty bad, with a horrible swollen throat, and pain whenever I, well, moved. But I knew that I had to go to Tennis class today, so I did. My coach let me go home early without counting it as early departure. But suddenly, facing another day feeling miserable and like I can't move beyond a shuffle, I realized something. I have to go to work. Otherwise I won't get paid and I already need to take off next week. I'm supposed to take an English test tomorrow! I HAVE TO MAKE CUPCAKES FOR SUNDAY'S VIEWING OF SINGING IN THE RAIN. *hiccup* And I'm only 17!!! What will happen when I have REAL things to do? But then I breathe. Ok, I try to breathe as best I can with a throat that is half closed. And I realize that God is in control. And I pray for healing, pop some ibuprofin, and realize that if God heals me, great. If he doesn't, I know that He still is in control. Segobe, Sarah

When I grow up I'll...

Have you ever found yourself caught in the world of "When I grow up"? Now, maybe you're a grown adult, and maybe you're thinking that you're already grown up all you want to be. But let me explain. I often ponder my many shortcomings. I think about how it takes me forever to get any laundry done. I don't exercise like I should. I don't ever journal. I am completely unorganized (though I love organization). I have War and Peace still sitting on my nightstand, waiting for me to get past the second chapter. I stay up too late. I watch too much tv. On and on the list goes. And then I think to myself, "Self, you've got things keeping you back from that". I start thinking of the reasons that I have those shortcomings. I don't do laundry because there is always someone else's in there. I don't exercise because I should get a gym membership. I am unorganized because I share a room. I don't journal because I write too much for school already. I stay up late because it's the only time I get quiet. I haven't finished War and Peace because I have too much school reading. I watch too much tv because I am not selective enough. After I think of my excuses reasons, the kicker comes. When I grow up I won't do those things. Or sometimes it's when I'm in college I won't do those things. I somehow think that my habits and shortcomings will change once I am in a different setting. I trick myself into believing that I'll change on the inside when my outside changes. And guess what? It never happens! I am unorganized because I lack the discipline to clean. I watch too much tv because I am lazy and won't turn it off. I don't read as much because I watch too much tv. I don't exercise because I lack motivation. And on and on the list goes. Those things are deeply ingrained in me. So will I change? Who knows. Maybe I'll change when I grow up. Maybe. Kwaheri, Sarah