Life? How much?

I have come that you may have life......and have it in mediocre amounts. I have come that you may have life...and have it enough to feel good, but not enough to change you. I have come that you may have life...and have it when you are in a happy mood. I have come that you may have life...every once in awhile. I have come that you may have life...on Sundays and Wednesdays at church. I have come that you may have life...but only when you're on a spiritual "high". Hm...none of those seem right somehow. Something is missing. But--that's how I live. I live like I have life only some of the time. That somehow I have this partial slice of life. But is that what Jesus wanted for me? Is that what Jesus wanted for you?? He didn't say any of the things above. He said this: "I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. Wherever they go, they will find green pastures. The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." John 10:9-11, NLT I have life in all its fullness--abundant life. Now I need to live like it. Qil xin, Sarah

A good quote

If the gospel of Jesus is just some formula I obey in order to get taken off the naughty list and put on the nice list, then it doesn't meet the deep need of the human condition, it doesn't interact with the great desire of my soul, and it has nothing to do with hidden (or rather, obvious) language we all are speaking. But if it is more, if t is a story about humanity falling away from the community that named it, and an attempt to bring humanity back to that community, and if it is more than a series of ideas, but rather speaks directly to this basic human need we are feeling, then the gospel of Jesus is the most relevant message in the history of mankind. Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

desperately needy

When we think of babies, we think of someone utterly helpless. Babies cannot protect themselves, save themselves, or even survive on their own. They are completely dependent on someone else. Imagine a little helpless child saying "Hey, you can just leave me alone. I don't need any help". You would laugh, and promptly help the child. But think about this. The world was utterly helpless. The world could not protect itself, save itself, or survive on its own. To even suggest that the world, the broken and bleeding sinful world did not need Someone beyond it would be preposterous. Lying down in a ditch called sin, we desperately needed the very think we never wanted--a Savior. God sent, at the very moment it was least expected, a Savior in one of the most least likely forms you could imagine--a baby. When people looked at that baby, they thought He was helpless. But what they never could of dreamed of was that He was the one who held the power over their eternal souls. God chose something so weak and small to truly show us how big He is. No one ever could have guessed what that Child held in his hands--they never could have imagined that within that tiny Child was the greatest miracle of all, grace. Within that "insignificant" baby was freedom, mercy, and total and complete healing for all who believe. He wasn't just a Savior who died for us--He was a Savior who lived for us. His act of living a perfect life was complete, perfect, and totally substitutionary. That's what Christmas is about. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 1 Corinthians 1:27-30 Menega, Sarah (Today has been a good day. Happy Christmas, y'all)

My dreams are wishes my heart makes...

I've seen The Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe three times so far in the theaters (which quite frankly is shocking considering I generally only see 7-8 movies a year!). If you haven't seen it, really go while it still is out. First of all because it is a great adventure and an absolutely wonderful movie, and secondly because the more successful this one is, the more likely Disney is to make the others. So go see it! But I digress; I didn't mean to make this a post about the lovely movie. The reason I mention the movie is because every time I see it, the desires I have for my dreams come to the surface. Not my REAL dreams, those often are just strange--but the dreams that God has put in my heart. And not really even just the little dreams, but the ones that are deep in the core of me. As I sit and watch the movie, at various parts, God reminds me of the dreams, and my heart swells and more than ever I want them to come true. I want my dreams to come true. I want to accomplish the things that seem impossible. So what is stopping me? I realized tonight how little I believe in myself. Oh, I could have told you that I have great faith in myself, but truthfully I don't. It's like Maria in The Sound of Music, when she boldly starts singing "I have confidence in me!" but then when she gets to the Captain's house, she stops singing, facing the huge enormity that is in front of her. I don't believe that I will ever be in a place where I can be good enough. I won't ever be a "good enough Christian" to do the things I really want to do. I just...can't. I know I can do the first steps that God has called me to walk on, but as for my true deep down dreams? I don't trust myself enough to believe I can. CS Lewis (him again!) said in The Weight of Glory: "If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself". I'm not quite satisfied with myself. I expect to fail, and I believe that I'm not good enough to do it. I guess if God put these dreams in me, he believes I can do it. He knows that I can. After all, he made me. Syan byayatn, Sarah P.S. Sorry it's been awhile since I posted--strep throat will cause my posting frequency to decrease.

Can I do it?

My dad is a funny guy. He tells us all these random stories that happened to him or things that he did when he was younger. Like "I started out folding my arms right over left. But then one day Nelson [his best friend] and I decided to switch". Or "One year in school, Nelson and I wrote entirely with our left hands. Well, we started out just writing our signatures with our left hands but then we decided to write with our left hands". "When I worked at [a food company in Chapel Hill], I drove to work one day entirely using my knees, without touching the steering wheel with my hands" (Which is an amazing, amazing task because it was on Franklin Street, which is completely full of turns and narrow streets and stuff). But what makes my dad so funny is that he has the same reason for doing all those things (and all the other things that he tells us). "I wanted to see if I could". He actually just started a new career as an insurance salesman, and part of the reason he decided to take the risk and change was just to see if he could. That may sound stupid to you, but personally I find it very inspiring. He isn't afraid to push himself past what is comfortable and into the area of sheer determination. I constantly find myself facing new things and when I consider whether or not to do it, I hear my dad casually saying as he's telling a story "I just wanted to see if I could". And I think "I want to see if I can". I fail a lot more than my dad did, I'm sure. I'm afraid my discipline and drive sometimes is weak. But when I feel like giving up on something just because I don't feel like it, I remember that if I do, it means that I can't. And where are the great stories from that? We're coming up on a new year, with its resolutions and promises. And as you're trying to decide what goals to set and what things to resolve, think about taking the chance on something you never considered before. Just to see if you can. Ka odi, Sarah

Beautiful post...

I came across this beautiful post about freedom while browing through the next blog button. I absolutely love that passage of scripture, but even more than that, I love my personal freedom. I am more free as a child of God than I ever would be without Him. When I am with God, I am free to truly be who I was meant to be, and that's an amazing thing. Don't take your freedom for granted. Remember that God loves you and that you can be (or are) so completely free in Him. Okei, Sarah

I fail. Every day.

I feel like I'm at the point where I am a complete failure. I've ignored God. I do my own thing. I try to fix stuff that I should leave to God. I don't live up to my promises. When I get into a place where I'm at right now, where I just feel utterly helpless and like I can't do anything and I am no good, I don't have good perspective. I think 'ok, I'll get back again, and I can do it. I'll start living my life this way and then I'll be accomplishing something and feel better about myself'. What I fail to truly realize is that I never can accomplish anything. Whether I talk to God every day or I live like I don't know Him, whether I trust God with things or try to fix them on my own, whether I live a dangerous life or a mediocre one, I still fail. I am not good enough no matter what place I am in my life. I could be sitting in front of a window with tears streaming down my face as I remember my regrets, or pouring my heart out to God and trusting Him with my life--it doesn't matter. It's like standing in front of a mirror and feeling beautiful, or feeling completely fat--you don't change. It's just how you view yourself. I always will fall short of perfection. It doesn't matter how close or how far I am. I still will always be reaching out for something I can never attain. It's the great paradox of the Christian life--be perfect, but we know we never can. I could sit here and count for you the ways I turn from God. I could tell you stories of how I have pushed God aside. But it doesn't matter, because whether I fail or I succeed, I have no righteousness. I only have Him. I come into this place, burning to receive your peace I come with my own chains, from wars I fought for my own selfish gains You're my God and my father I've accepted your son But my soul feels so empty now what have I become? Lord come with your fire, burn my desires Refine me Lord, my will has deceived me, please come free me Refine me My heart can't see when I only look at me My soul can't hear when I only think of my own fears. And they are gone in a moment, you're forever the same Why did I look away from you, how can I speak your name? Lord, come with your fire, burn my desires Refine me Lord, my will has deceived me, please come free me Come rescue this child for I long to be reconciled to you It's all I can do, to give my heart and soul to you and pray, and pray, oh I will pray Lord, come with your fire, burn my desires Refine me Lord, my will has deceived me, please come free me Come rescue this child for I long to be reconciled to you Refine me Refine me Refine me Refine me Refine Me lyrics by Jennifer Knapp Taúnigigua bá búngua, Sarah

Have I?

I am constantly the person who has to tell people stuff they don't want to hear. I have to tell people things that they hate to hear and things that they hate me for telling them. People say that it's possible to tell the truth in love, but there are certain things that you just have to say without watering it down. I hate it when I have to do that. I hate knowing that NO ONE ELSE will tell that person what is right. No one else will tell them the truth. I'm not saying I go around telling fat people they are fat or anything, or I have this one woman crusade to tell people everything they need to know, but when my friends are pulling crap that they shouldn't--stuff that will either harm them, harm those they know, harm their relationships with God, or harm their futures, I have to say something. I told someone today that I lost all respect for them because of their actions today. They told me they lost respect for me a long time ago. I don't want to hear that. I don't care too much if you don't like me, I can handle that. But I want your respect. And the worst thing is I could gain more of people's respect if I didn't go out and tell them the stuff they don't want to hear. They would want to be around me and say "That Sarah is a great girl". But if I don't speak the truth, there is no way I will respect myself. And that I can't handle. I had an issue a while ago with another friend, where I made a big deal about something and really just was what she thought was abnormally mean. I just got really upset about an issue and it really made her a little bit mad, but in the end she did what I knew was right (not because of me necessarily, but because she wanted to). A few months later she called me and said "Oh yeah, you were right about that situation" and explained to me why, and I was REALLY right to make such an issue out of it. She told me I should have been happy because I was right. But it's not about whether or not I'm right. I could care less about my personal "rightness". I care about my friends not getting hurt and I care about what's best for them, whether or not they agree with it. So here I am, hurting because today I lost a friend. Maybe not one of my closest friends, but still a friend. And worst of all there's no one who can tell this friend why I said what I said (except for the cuss word I threw their way, that just was me getting frustrated and mad and running on three hours of sleep and there's no good excuse for that). And that makes me realize how utterly hopeless it is to ever get this friend back. They are not going to understand why I cared so much, why I was getting frustrated, and why I made such a big deal out of it. They have no other friends who will explain my point of view. They have no one else to say "well, Sarah was at least partly right" or whatever. They don't. And that hurts. Sometimes you've just got to cry about it. Khair, Sarah

Books

If you are anything like me, the Christmas season is a busy one. And in honor of the busyness, my posts won't be as long in-depth as they normally are. So to start it off, here's a list, in no particular order, of 4 of my favorite fiction books. Roots, by Alex Haley. I first read Roots when I was in 5th grade. I don't remember why I found it, or why my mom let me read it, all I remember is that it was 600+ pages long and I wanted to read it. Obviously, I wanted to read it more for the sake of saying I read a book that long than anything else, but still, I read it. Once I read it I wanted to read it again. I fell in love with the story that went through the generations. I was entranced. To this day, Roots still makes the list as one of my favorite books. The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare. It seems stupid to put childrens' books on your list of favorite fiction books, but it won a Newberry Award, so I will leave it on here. I first had to read this book for school, but I find myself at least once a year coming back to it and reading it again. I think one of the reasons I go back to it is because you can see the aspect of redemption throughout the book. Daniel is a character you sympathize and dislike and identify with all at the same time. I'll tell my friends, even as teenagers, if they have never read this book to go get it, because it is a classic. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Redeeming Love truly sits at the top of my list, tied for first with another book. Why do I love it? First of all because Francine Rivers is truly one of the most talented writers I have ever read. All of her books are amazing. Secondly, the story is an allusion of the story of Hosea and Gomer in the Bible, and that story has always been a favorite. I bought this book and immediately had 3 people I lent it to. All of them loved it. There's something about the story of Michael and Sarah that draws you in and makes you not want to leave. If you have never read Redeeming Love, pick up a copy. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis. This book is tied with Redeeming Love as my favorite fiction book. Why? Well, just read it. It's such a classic epic tale (I actually think it has all of the epic elements), so in that sense it's a wonderful read. Plus Lewis was such an amazing writer he wrote this multi-layered book that you feel, when you're done, to be a better person for having read it. I cry every time I read this book. And I have been excited for about 3 years for the movie, since I heard they were making it. I'm going tomorrow night at a midnight showing, and I am so stinking excited. I am such a Narnia freak too...I'm even dressing up!! (It's a midnight show, it is ok for me to be an idiot) So there are 4 of my favorite books. I would post 5 but this post is already way too late, so I'm just getting it out there. I hope everyone's holidays are shaping up nicely, and remember to read a book! Veloma, Sarah

The power of words...

Have you ever thought truly about the power of words? There's a reason words are extremely powerful. God spoke the world into existence. We are the only creatures with the power of speech. It isn't something to be taken lightly. I've had a few people give me compliments over the past few days. And you know what? It made me feel really good. They encouraged me, made me want to keep going and just be the best person I can be. When people compliment me, or encourage me, it reminds me of God's love and his encouragement. It's an amazing thing. For the next week, try to find one person to say something nice about (or to). If you see someone who looks nice, tell them so! Encourage someone. It'll make their day. Vidaaya, Sarah

World AIDS Day.

How much difference is one day going to make? Why just spend one day focusing on AIDS? How much of a difference is this going to make? Think about this: 6000 children are orphaned by AIDS each day. Already 15 million children have been orphaned by AIDS. It would be so easy for me to sit here and say "do something", and yet not do anything else. But I am doing something else. So I can ask without hesitation, what are YOU doing? Kastan, Sarah