Coming soon....

Well so I just finished the new header for inexorablyloved... exciting news, eh? I'm working on a whole new blog design, with some super-cool elements. Blogger beta is not coming yet. But Sarahbeta is. It's going to be hopefully very unique and interesting. But so you don't get bored with "coming soon" posts, here's a quote that I picked up recently that I loved: "Our righteousness is in Him, and our hope depends, not upon the exercise of grace in us, but upon the fullness of grace and love in Him, and upon His obedience unto death" - John Newton It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me. As my roommate and I were tonight discussing grace and loving response, we talked about how when you realize that grace and that love, you realize how unimportant you are. And at the same time you realize that you are cherished and loved beyond measure. It's a seemingly contradictory life in one sense, but when you remember that it's all because of Jesus, it makes sense. As I've fallen in love with the gospel of grace, I've fallen in love with that word "righteousness". I used to think it was one of those words that I could never use to define myself--after all, I was a sinner, right? But last summer, when God got a hold of me, He decided to change my thinking. 1 Corinthians 1:30 says "But Christ has become for us wisdom from God, that is our righteousness, holiness, and redemption". My sin nature is not holy. There is nothing righteous in it. But I am no longer that old nature. I am no longer that old woman. I am a new creation. Learning that not only am I not my sin but I am also not the reason the birds chirp in the morning causes me to humbly accept the grace that is offered to me. I am no longer sinful--but I am only called sinless because of Jesus. I am no longer unrighteous--but it is because of Christ alone that I am redeemed. We have a phrase we say at camp that accurately describes what this view is--knowing who you are and Whose you are. I am holy, righteous and justified, because I am Jesus'. What an amazing thing. Mechikung, Sarah

They'll be coming round the mountain..

Changes, that is. As soon as I get into a good pattern with my schoolwork, I'll be working on a new blog template...trying to really change it up and bring you a better inexorablyloved. I've tried to update frequently but between OT Survey and Research and Literature and work, it's tough! Oh, new news! I got a job at the library here at school. I'm a Technical Services assistant. Basically that means I prepare the books to be put on the shelves. I get to see all the new books that come in before anyone else does. And yes, I have a list that I write down all the time to check out when they get in circulation. It's definitely fun, except putting the clear covers on the books with paper sleeves is hard work. College is fun. I've had 22 posts that mention college thus far (23 including this one) and I'm too scared to actually look at what they say. But besides the rash of injuries that have plauged this hall, it's been a blast. And since I really have nothing super-spiritual to say, here's some pictures from the first two weeks of school. (Well technically the first week we didn't have classes, but tuhmato, tomahto.) Until later,

Go! Light!

There is a candle in every soul Some brightly burning, Some dark and cold There is a spirit who brings the fire Ignites his candle and makes his home Carry your candle, Run to the darkness Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn Hold out your candle for all to see it Take your candle and go light your world Frustrated brothers, see how he's tried to Light his own candle some other way See now our sister, She's been robbed and lied to Still holds a candle without a flame So carry your candle, run to the darkness Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn Hold out your candle for all to see it Take your candle and go light your world We are a family whose hearts are blazing We raise our candles and light up the sky Praying to our Father, "In the name of Jesus Make us a beacon in darkest times!" Carry your candle, run to the darkness Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor Hold out your candle for all to see it Take your candle and go light your world. Go Light Your World by Kathy Trocolli So I finished my 2nd day of classes here at school. I indeed have experienced syllabus shock, though it doesn't seem like it's an amount of work I can't do. It just seems like that's a lot of information to read in a short amount of time and my plan of retaining the information seems to be lessening with time. ;) But I'm excited for my classes, noteably what I'll learn in Issues in Contemporary Youth Culture and all the wonderful literature to be learned in Research and Literature. I think what makes it so exciting even though it's a lot of reading is knowing that I'm being equipped for a good purpose. I'm being trained in this knowledge so that someday I can go to those struggling and bring light to where there is only darkness. And that's such a thrilling thing to think about. I often get so caught up in the technical aspects of starting my journey in ministry that I forget to stop and thank God for the amazing priviledge it is to serve Him, the amazing honor it is that He has called me into full-time ministry. What a great gift that I definitely do not deserve. I took the above picture at what was supposed to be our candlelight service but was cut short right as we got to the prayer tower because of a storm. What was a cool analogy was that along the way from Hoke Auditorium to the prayer tower, the wind was fiercely blowing. We had our candles lit by upperclassman and then started walking over there as the wind got stronger and stronger. Pretty soon the wind was too strong and I wasn't big (or coordinated enough) to walk and cover my candle at the same time without getting burned. Mine soon went out, just a smoking wick where seconds before there was flame. But as I got frustrated at my failure, another student would come along, protecting their candle tightly, and offer to re-light mine. I would accept and watched as my wick burst into flames again, ignited by the light from another. In turn, I'd go over and help someone else out. And if mine went out again, I'd share a flame with someone else. It was just a beautiful analogy of how fellowship is supposed to work--as we are being equipped, and pursuing this goal of taking light to a place where it's dark--we need help. There are times where our hearts are heavy and the wind is too strong and we just can't hold onto that flame. But those are the times where others see your needs and come to offer help. It's such a beautiful thing. I encourage you to go out and see where those who are trying to be light in darkness need a little more flame--go and exhort someone. Come alongside them and build them up as they go light the world. Khau bulyghyz, Sarah Picture taken 8/20/2006 at CIU

You've stolen my heart....

I love God. Oh man, I love Him. I'm not sure if you know what I mean, but at this point I'm just completely amazed with who He is and all that He's doing in my life. Why the change? Why am I all of the sudden completely enraptured with God? Well, I think the answer lies in something beyond just what I'm doing. It's sort of like this quote from Donald Miller: "[They say] I will love God because He first loved me. I will obey God because I love God. But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love Him in return, and I cannot obey Him. Self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean; accepting God's love will. The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey Him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, and changes our character with the passion of His love." (Blue Like Jazz) I love God more and more when I keep grace in the center of my mind, the Gospel the center of my heart, and His love the center of my being. When I forget about grace, the Gospel, and His love, I forget how great He is. God's greatness does have something to do with his justice, but more than that it's because of His love. Christianity has nothing to offer if it does not offer a God of infinite love and compassion. The greatest example of love is the cross. It is the climax of humanity, the exchange of an innocent life for my guilty one. The debt has been paid. The punishment taken. The pain absorbed. The motivation for all of that was God's complete and unmerited favor. His grace. When I keep His grace in mind, I am captured and enraptured by His inexorable love. I can't take my eyes off of Him. I wake up and my thoughts are on Him. God becomes my default. There is nowhere else I'd rather be than with Him. I'll leave you with a song that I absolutely love. And as you read the words, think about keeping God and His love, grace, and mercy in mind. It'll capture your life. Every tree and every stone Every rushing wind that moans They sing Your praise My God, they sing Your praise Every star and open sky Tell of Your glory divine They shout Your praise They shout Your praise, yeah You’ve stolen my heart Yes, You have! You’ve stolen my heart Yes, You have! You’ve wiped away the stains And broke away the chains Yes, You have!! With Your love You set me free Three nails gave me liberty So I’ll sing Your praise My God, I’ll sing Your praise Oh, with Your love You forgave my sin Forgot my past And brought me back again So I’ll sing Your praise I’ll sing Your praise, yeah If I ascend into the sky Or hide behind the night I can not run Your love is chasing me If I fall into the sea Your hand will rescue me No one will take Your place Because This is all for You Yes, this is all for You You’re the King of the world You’re the King of the world Yes, You Have, by Leeland, from Sound of Melodies Syan byayatn, Sarah

Photo

Beauty is found in some of the most unlikely places.

Books, books, more books

I go tomorrow to interview for a library job on campus. In honor of it (and the written word), here's a cute little book survey Karla had that I loved! 1. Book that changed your life: Searching for God Knows What- Donald Miller, and What's So Amazing About Grace- Philip Yancey 2. Book that you've read more than once: The Problem of Pain- Lewis (CS for those who don't know) 3. Book you'd want on a desert island: The Bible seems like a cop-out answer, but it. And Animal Farm. Have no clue why, but Animal Farm is as good as any. 4. Book that made you laugh: Searching for God Knows What made me bust it out. 5. Book that made you cry: I cry everytime I read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but a book I once read called The Most Important Little Boy in the World made me sob so bad I hurt. It made me sad for days. 6. Book that you wish had been written: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. 7. Book you don't enjoy: I read this book once that supposedly was by this Christian author and it was a terror book about how this creepy guy was stalking this girl and killing those close to her and he knew things about her no one else did and she thought it might be a demon or something but really he had a camera no bigger than a dime that he had hidden in her bathroom that she couldn't see so he watched her change and stuff. A pervert-y killer stalker. NOT COOL. And not a very good book. 8. Book you are currently reading: 1 Peter, and When Wallflowers Dance. I'm about to start school on Tuesday so there'll be a lot of books to read then. 9. Book you've been meaning to read: I need to finish War and Peace. I started it but never finished. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult, the Space Trilogy by CS Lewis, The Abolition of Man by Lewis, Praise Habit by David Crowder...tons and tons. 10. Book you remember as a real page-turner: Redeeming Love. Oh, and Pretense by Lori Wick was a great one. 11. Non-fiction books that you have enjoyed: Orthodoxy by Chesterton is good. a.k.a. Lost by Jim Henderson is really good too. I also have to admit, I like my MLA Hanbook a bit too much for normal folk. It's just so useful. The Ragamuffin Gospel. A lot of the Christian classics I adore. 12. Children's books your family has loved: I was thinking yesterday about this. Here's the very long list of books (off the top of my head) that I still read, 18 years old, on a regular basis: All of the Betsy, Tacy, and Tib books. The Pushcart Wars, Noel Streatfield's Shoe series (if you have a girl you MUST get them). The Bronze Bow. Any Nancy Drew book. Any Trixie Belden book. The Mandy series. The book Mandy by Julie Andrews Edwards (yes, the actress. It's fabulous). The Boxcar Children series. And I'll just shut up now because this is a LONG list. So I'll let you know if I got the job or not. Hopefully I did. But there you go. Me and my books. Nakhvamdis, Sarah

Heading out to new places

I don't like packing. First of all, it takes forever. Second of all, it takes forever. Third of all, you're always paranoid you'll lose something, and finally it makes you realize how much stuff you have. I'm not a fan of packing for those reasons. I despise it, I loathe it. And the worst thing is I can't do it one-handed, so talking on the phone while packing is out of the question. Which means a)I'm bored and b)I'm doing something I really don't like doing. But I think my dislike of packing goes a little bit deeper, however. Packing (especially for college) is slightly painful. You see, I have to leave things behind. And more than leaving them behind, I have to realize I don't need them. I do not need that notebook that I wrote sermon notes in from 6th grade to 9th grade. I don't need 5 concordances. I don't need all 10 purses, though I've had some of them since 5th grade. I can live without these things. I can be strong. I can survive. It's the same when God invades my life with something new. He asks me to go to a different place in my spiritual walk. A different place in my life. And that's rough. Because as much as I might want to, I can't take everything with me. So I have to hold things up and figure out if I need it or not. Sometimes it's a relationship. Sometime it's a worldview. Sometimes it's a hobby. More often than not it's a way of thought (especially with my stubbornness). For the past year, God has taught me about grace. And I think in some ways last year I tried it out for myself. I didn't read my Bible all that much. Let's see if God still loves me. And then I'd read my Bible. Does He love me more? I'd go out and sin. Does God still view me as righteous? I'd head off to church. Did I gain Jesus points today? Well, what I found out changed me to my core. I am loved by God, no matter what. Jesus is still my righteousness, I am still an adopted daughter, I am still rescued. So now God is asking me a big question. What will I do in response to grace? And let me tell you, that is not an easy question to answer. You see, I know what the answer requires. Because of that grace, I am SO motivated to pursue Christ. I want to become more like Him. I want to grow deeper and deeper into God's heart. I want to be a disciple. But to be a disciple, I have to move to a different place spiritually. And moving requires packing discarding of a lot of stuff. My own legalism. My own selfish desires. My will. My anger. My pride. My selfishness. The idea that everything I know about the Bible is right and you are wrong. That stuff can't go with me. It's hard. You see, over the course of my lifetime, I've convinced myself I need these things. I HAVE to have them. Somehow the thought of being without them seems unbearable. Why in the world should I have to give up that? Why can't I take that with me? I know it's useless but come on!! Everything that is selfish within me wants this stuff. Right now I'm packing, in more ways than one. I'm trying to leave behind the stuff I don't need and only keep what will be beneficial. Physically that means a lot of random papers are still here in my room. Spiritually it means that I'm having to remind myself every day that God's grace is enough. It's not an easy task. But I need to do it. You see where I'm going there's not enough room for all this stuff. And as much as that hurts, where I'm going is immensely better than staying still. Oaidnaleapmái, Sarah

How beautiful...

Growing up is a beautiful thing. I know when we think about growing up, we think about scary stuff, but I'm not really scared. I'm heading off to college Wednesday and you'd think I'd be scared. I'm not. At times I look back at all of my 18 years and wonder where it went. I still feel like I'm 15, awkward and with the worst haircut possible. One of my friends says she still feels like she's 12. Part of that I think was from being homeschooled, so I didn't switch schools (though I did start going to community college at 16) and the other part comes from working at the same job for 5 years. But even though I feel 15, I know I'm not. I'm no longer a 3 year old nicknamed "Curly". I'm no longer a insecure 13 year old. I'm no longer a scary 16 year old driver;). And I think the most glorious thing about getting older is knowing that as I get older I'm learning about grace more and more. I know about grace more this summer than I did last summer. I know more about grace today than I did yesterday. And through it all my relationship with Jesus is growing. As I pursue the calling that God has placed on my life I know I'm going deeper into God's heart--and that's a beautiful place to be. Is growing older slightly scary? Yes. I would have no clue what to do to live on my own at this point, in terms of insurance and how to get the city to turn on my water and what the heck an adjustable rate mortgage is. But I would hate to stay ignorant forever. I would hate to stay a baby forever. Yeah, growing's good. I don't know how old you are. You might be 14. You might be 34. You might be 54. But however old you are, embrace the growing. Learn to love it. And experience it with joy. After all, growing old is such a beautiful thing. Wa ki liao, Sarah

Truth

Truth can be found in the most unlikely of places. At camp we have graffiti all over the cabins--it's not allowed during camp, and a lot of it comes from the fall retreats. I admit, I have campers (even in other cabins) who come up to me and ask me if I really was the Sarah whose name was written on their bunk. And I was. But besides the usual name graffiti (Some girl named Gabrielle really loved a boy named Andy, as evidenced by the 64 times she wrote it on one bunk!!), every once in awhile there was some truth to the graffiti. The above picture was taken right beside my bunk in the second cabin I stayed in, the last week of camp. I woke up one morning and saw that...it was a great reminder to wake up to. I'm going to school this week. I get there on Wednesday. I'm excited yes, but filled with nervousness. I haven't gotten paid for working at camp yet (they were mailing our checks), so after buying the stuff I needed for my dorm room I don't even know if I have enough money to buy my books. I'm filled with a ton of uncertainty. But then I look at a picture like that and am reminded of some constants: God is in control, He is good, and He loves me. And that's all I need to know. Sometimes the truth doesn't hurt. Sometimes it's so freeing. Trok lom, Sarah

Light and joy

Yesterday, besides getting my hair cut and working a preschool camp at gymnastics, I painted a mural with my best friend at our church. It was a graphic design that someone had made for our youth group. It wasn't badly designed, it was fairly attractive, but there was one thing that bothered me. The whole mural was black, white, and gray. The wall itself was black, and the letters were gray with some lighter gray accents. It was completely monochromatic. And dark. As I looked at it, I was confused as to why it was so dark and moody. Yeah, I know a lot of the kids are moody and emo, but at the same time is youth group dark and moody? I guess my issue is something I have realized as I've gotten older. You see, I went through a "woe is me" phase in my early teens and as I got older I realized how stupid that was. Now not to say that there isn't pain in the world. There is, after all. We don't live in a perfect world. We are not perfect people. As a friend of mine says, this is the fallen version. However, God is not a God of depression. He is not a God of darkness and pain. He is a God of love and mercy and light. And the older I've gotten the more I've realized that with salvation comes joy. Not to say you always have to be like me and obnoxiously optimistic, but take joy in life. And even more than life, take joy in your salvation (more on that later). But there shouldn't be this great depression, there shouldn't be darkness. God has redeemed your soul from the pit of emptiness. As I was looking at verses about God's light, I noticed that it was a reacurring theme in the Psalms is God and his light. One that particularly stuck out to me was Psalm 140. If you can, sometime this weekend, take the time to read it and absorb it. I would post it but it's super long. But really think about how huge God is. God sees into those dark areas of our souls and illuminates them with His love and grace. The Gospel is the story of us being redeemed by one greater than ourselves...the story, as 1 Peter 2:9 says, of being called out of darkness into his wonderful light. Our theme this year at camp was "Rescued", and our verse for this year I think really sums up why I'm thinking the way I am. For God has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14 Remember that you have been rescued from darkness and brought into a kingdom that is filled with peace and joy and rest. Do svidanja, Sarah

I'm a lemming...

But Mom, all the cool kids did it! And it was fairly spot on.... Free-Wheeling Leader Try it. Shalom, Sarah

Huge

God is big. Not just large, but huge. Not just as big as my imagination, but exploding beyond anything I can even comprehend. Imagine having a circus elephant, with tree trunks of legs and canopies of ears. Massive, right? Now think about how hard it would be to fit that elephant into a small carrier, like you'd carry a dog in. "Impossible!" you cry, "There's no way something that big could fit into a space that small!" It would seem that way, does it not? But we do it every day. We take God, bigger than our minds can fathom, and put him in a box. Instead of making a compartment big enough for his hugeness, we want to minimize God. Our view of God places parameters on his size and his power. Our finite minds simply cannot comprehend God's infinite power and majesty. But somehow I doubt that the limitations of my mind are to blame for this grave problem. After all, if God were big enough to fully understand, he wouldn't be big enough to worship. And beyond that, Jesus Himself was limited by a finite mind and lived a perfect life. No, I think the problem runs deeper. After all, what did Adam and Eve want? They wanted to be like God. They wanted to be in charge. And is it not the same with me? I want to control my life. And if I, with my limited mind, am suddenly faced with the hugeness and wisdom of God, I cannot dare to give Him anything less than full control. So when I am faced with that surrender, I run to the alternative--I place limits on God. I put him in a dog carrier in my heart when he should have complete and total preimenence and control. Ok, now I recognize that God is huge, but not huge in my life. I see that my desire for control dictates how big I let God be in my life. I recognize all this--so why do I still keep him small and compartmentalized? In my own life it often boils down to one thing--do I believe that God is good? If I believe that God is a good God, that His will is perfect, then there's no reason to not surrender full control. Well-behaved elephants are allowed more freedom than those who are bad. If God is good, if He is perfect, then He deserves room to run, room to be free, room to be God in my life. I should give Him freedom, not a tiny cage. After all, He's huge. And He's good. (Written 8.1.06 at camp, watching the sunrise) Ximopanolti, Sarah