Oozing grace...

I want all of my life to ooze grace. Not just to have a little sprinkling of grace, but every fiber of my being to just...ooze. A life that is totally sold out for Christ will exude God's grace. I want others to envy me, not because of my personality and talents but because Christ is so strong in my life. I don't need anything else. But right now I hold so dearly to things that I will never need. I am refusing to surrender all. If my desire is to ooze grace, I can no longer hold with such a tight grasp those things that are not of Christ! For all that Christ is--his grace, mercy, love, righteousness, holiness, perfection--demand more than a piece of my heart. They demand my life, my all. If I assume I have them in full yet am grasping so firmly to my own will, I do not have the full grace of Christ, but instead have something else. That grace will only ooze when I feel like it. That love will only be ministered to otehers when I am in the mood. But true grace is never dependent on my feelings. So to surrender completely I have to open my hand and let my will go. My life should be a fragrant offering, but I try so hard to hold my desires close that I squeeze out a stench of selfishness, not a perfume of unselfishness. It is only when I stand before God with my arms wide open and my heart transfixed upon the grace of Jesus Christ that my life will reflect his love. I would give anything to, at the end of my life (whenever that may be), have people say about me "I saw grace in her"...to hear Christ say "Well done, good and faithful servant". But I am so far from that place--so far from faithfulness, so far from that overflowing grace. So far from surrender. My spirit is willing but my flesh is so...strong. My flesh loves that grasping hand. My new spirit hates it. One of my favorite songs, "Surrender", has been on my heart recently. "I'm giving You my heart and all that is within, I lay it all down for the sake of You my King..." My heart truly wants to give everything to you. But I cannot do it on my own. My prayer has to be "Lord, scoop out my insides, scoop out this selfishness that blocks grace. Strengthen my spirit. Make me Yours." I want to be His...to ooze grace. Pileuleuyan, Sarah

And I'm gone...

So since November has started and NaNoWriMo has begun, you'll be seeing a lot less of me around here (I know, is that even possible??). I just actually might become all written out. But anyway, I'll try to peek in, maybe post some pictures every once in awhile. But other than that...just look for me once November is over. Until then I'll be with Traci and Mark, hiding away and writing.